Leaf Me Alone

leafmealone

Leaf Me Alone

Let me go on my way

not looking back in sadness

but standing on my own feet now

and looking out towards the future.

Design my own life

one without the past

one separate from the us

that I hung my heart on for so long.

I walk alone

crunching through the fallen leaves

bits of memories which I crush beneath my heels.

Watching leaves fall in real time

Letting go of all that was

to begin again.

Inspired by Daily Prompt Leaf

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Posted in 50 years old, daily prompt, divorce, finding happiness at 50 | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Pieces

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I heard this song on the radio the other day.  I sang along with it as I’ve heard it before, but when I got home, I looked it up and found the video below.  I love that it has the lyrics with it.

I can’t decide what keeps bringing me back to listening to this song.  I can’t even figure out what it’s about honestly.  Sometimes when I listen I’m uplifted.  Sometimes I’m sad.  Sometimes I think it’s about a marriage.  Sometimes I think it’s about depression.  There are some really great lyrics and lines to think about in this song.

Pieces By Rob Thomas

What do you think of when you hear this song?

♥`1

Posted in finding happiness at 50, music | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

Weeping Madly

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I’ve wept until I was dehydrated,

until no tears could form.

I’ve wept until I fell asleep,

on the bathroom floor.

I’ve wept until I threw up

my tummy tied in knots.

I’ve wept until I wiped you out

of my mind, my life and my thoughts.

I’ve wept angry tears

with my nose running wild.

I’ve wept and hyperventilated

breathing into a bag to calm me down.

I’ve wept alone,

I’ve wept with a friend,

I’ve wept and now,

By healing, I begin my life again.

I refuse to weep over you dear Ex,

I refuse to weep it’s true.

For you are not the man for me,

Gone is the man I loved and once knew.

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Tentative In Dating

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Tentative woman seeking kind man to date.  Tentative as in she’s divorced after more than 20 years of marriage, but she’s healed her heart.  Tentative because she’s experienced the dark side of love, but she’s still full of hope that good love exists.  Tentative because she’s afraid to open her heart again to have it broken.

Seeking:  authentic man who has his shit together.  No phonies, no games, little baggage.  Good job, kind heart and caring about others.  Happy, secure with himself and enjoys life.  Narcissist need not apply.

What you get:  kind, caring 50 year old divorcee with 2 kids who are pretty self-sufficient as am I.  I’m short, but still pretty thin.  I’ve healed my heart and I still believe in love.  I enjoy dancing, writing and reading.  I’m spiritual and I believe in God.  I love to be out in Nature whether it’s on the beach or in the mountains.  I don’t know how to horseback ride, but I’d love to learn.  I have cats so if you’re allergic, forget it.  I like all animals.  I love traveling.  I’ve had a lot of life experience and I’m still here.  I’m happy being me and would love to meet you!

So any advice?  You know I’m not online dating, but those are my tentative thoughts on the subject! LOL

via Daily Prompt: Tentative

Posted in daily prompt, finding happiness at 50, love | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Sting

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Like a startled bee, you stung me.

Left me bleeding from the wound you inflicted.

Not caring if I bled out into nothingness.

I couldn’t comprehend your callousness

after all of these years we spent together in marriage.

How could you walk away without looking back?

But you did.  You do.  You’ve moved on.

I’m not getting any younger. 

I waited until the ink was dry.

And now it’s dry.

We are officially divorced.

My life is turning the page on a new chapter that I never wanted.

I’ve licked my wounds,

Pouted in pity

and I am finally healed.

No longer does your voice entice me.

No longer do I recognize you.

No longer do I want to be with you.

But your ability to lie stings me still.

I do not trust you.

I will not let my heart believe your lies.

I stand strong in my new self awareness.

I am free from you.

But sometimes I want to sting you back.

And show the world your lies

And let them bear witness to your phoniness,

Your dark side and your untruths.

I wait in hopes that your stinger

Will sting you back.

I rest easily knowing

Karma will take care of you.

Original Poem By Janie Leeds

Thanks to the Daily Post for the inspiration to write a poem today!

 

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, the daily post | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Adding A Flavorful Touch

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I know, you were thinking that this might be a post about food.  But ha ha – fooled you!  And no, that’s not a photo of me either.  I’m not a big fan of everyday cooking!  Nope!  Far from it.  I like to cook for holidays and group settings, but not for the everyday, boring, scheduled, routine meals.  I feel like a short-order cook when everyone wants something different.  It’s taken the zing out of my cooking finesse.

But let me be honest, I’ve not really had cooking finesse except for holidays.  Those I could finesse with gusto and glee!

At 50, I’m yearning to add a flavorful touch to my life.  I’m not quite sure as to where this is going, but I’m open.  I decided not to invite him to coffee for now.  I want to thank you all for sharing your stories and your advice with me.  I think I’ll just see if it progresses organically.  And if not, then I figure it’s not meant to be.

Flavorful as in trying something new.  Flavorful as in making my mouth water, and pushing my experiences past my comfort zone.  Flavorful as in expanding my horizons.  Flavorful as in thoughts that make me salivate.

Got any ideas on how I can begin adding a flavorful touch to my life?

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, the daily post | Tagged , , | 15 Comments

Do I Ask To Treat Him To Coffee?

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I had an interesting conversation with someone the other day on the phone.  It was a friend of a friend who, because of his career, was able to answer some pertinent questions for me.

We only talked for about an hour, but in that time, he answered my questions honestly and put me at ease about my decisions in regards to my kids.  Then we shared a little bit about our own lives and it was wonderful.

You know why?  Because it gave me back the faith that there are men out there who are divorced and who seem to treat their ex-wives with kindness, who don’t bad-mouth their baby mamas and who choose to give back to the community and to others who are less fortunate in order to bring them opportunities that they might not have had to chance to experience.  That’s what this guy does.

WOW!!!  Eye-opener!  It gave me such a smile when I got off the phone with him!

It was the first time in such a long time that I laughed and enjoyed the camaraderie of divorce with a man.  I don’t know his age (looks younger than me) and who knows if the charming man who talked with me on the phone was really him or if it was just a guy being a guy.  I’m sorry, did I say that?  I’m so used or being an open book, however I’m not too naive to think that others can play one, but aren’t really in person.  I mean no disrespect to him or to men in general, but after the fiasco of the lies during the marriage/divorce, I’m wary.

Yes, girls.  I looked him up and he’s a handsome man!  My friends keep telling me that I should invite him out for coffee to thank him for his help and advice, but that’s so out of my comfort zone.  Perhaps I’m mistaken, but I have believed that men like to be the hunters and initiate.  Ok, I know, it’s not a date.  It’s not.  It would simply be me thanking him for his time.  But he’s cute so I’m nervous.

Of course, my friends are saying that even if he were an old man, I would have wanted to have done something nice for him for taking the time to talk with me.  That’s true.  But asking to treat him to a cup of coffee seems date-like.

Suggestions?  Advice?  Want to share your experiences?  PLEASE????

 

 

 

Posted in 50 years old, divorce, finding happiness at 50 | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments