Sometimes You Just Need A Little Push

push.PNG

I was invited out last night to meet a bunch of Moms that I was close with years ago when our kids were on the same sports team.  We were supposed to meet for drinks and apps at a place in town.  While I agreed to go for one drink, after the day I had yesterday (ups and downs), I wasn’t in the mood.

But then my friend Coco came to the rescue as she PUSHED me to go.  I mean pushed – as in WHY aren’t you going?  Why do you put yourself last?  Why can’t you go for one drink and leave because you have to get home to the kids?  Who said you can’t go?  YOU!  So, you can tell yourself you can go then!

I have to tell you I fought Coco with every excuse in the book.  And she took every one of my excuses and turned them around in a formidable way.  She wouldn’t take my no for an answer.  She was relentless.  And so I went…And it was good.

Sometimes, I’d rather hide in my cocoon at home than to make myself get dressed up to go out.  Since the separation and divorce, it’s more comfortable at home for me, but I’ve been home for a long time now.  Things aren’t changing for me sitting at home.  Here I was invited out, but was going to bail at the last minute because they’re all married and I’m not.  They knew my Ex and they go out all together with their husbands often as a group.  I felt like I was going to be uncomfortable because of that.  Funny how we get stuck in our own beliefs and limit ourselves, isn’t it?

It was a perfectly happy night reconnecting with these friends!  I’m so glad I didn’t miss out.  Sometimes we just need a friend to give us the extra push, don’t you think?  Thanks Coco!

So tonight, I’m pushing myself to go to dinner with a few girlfriends again.  These are a divorced, married and never married motley group of all different ages.  While I don’t know some of them well, there’s one that I do, so we are carpooling together.  I’m the driver, so I’ll have a wine at dinner only, but it should be fun.

Wow!  How’s that for a busy weekend says the girl who never goes out?  I’ve had a few other invites recently for the next month that I have agreed to, so I think the Universe is making me expand my horizons.  Friends from different times in my life are calling and texting to get together.  Maybe it’s time to break out of my shell and see the world again.

I’ll let you know how it goes!  Until then, I have to find something to wear!  You know how it is, don’t you? My dilemma is always what fits, what looks good, how dressed up to get and so on and so forth.  It should probably take me 3 outfits to try on before I find one that makes me feel good.  Such is the life of a 50 year old divorcée! LOL

 

Advertisements
Posted in finding happiness at 50, love | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Heartbreaker

heartbreaker

 

I was in the grocery store late yesterday afternoon waiting to give my free turkey to the food bank when an older man (late 70’s/early 80’s) walked past me and then turned around and tapped me on the shoulder.  I turned to face his smiling face and I smiled back at him wondering why he tapped me on the shoulder and what he wanted.

So how many hearts have you broken in this lifetime? he asked me.

I was completely flabbergasted and laughed.  None I replied because – What else do I say to that?  I was so caught off guard.  He smiled, laughed with me, and then said something I couldn’t hear and just walked away.  I watched him walk about 10 steps away, stop and turn around to wave to me.  I waved back.

Still standing in line by myself, I began giggling.  What a crazy encounter!  But it made me think that the Universe has a sense of humor.  Because what possessed that man to stop and ask me that! LOL

So I ask you, How many hearts have you broken in this lifetime?

Truth be told, I was never a heartbreaker.  Flirt, yes.  Heartbreaker, nah.  I’ve had my share of serious relationships that didn’t work out, but I was never one to toy with emotions or people’s fragile hearts.  With the exception of the marriage he broke off, when I broke up with someone, it was always with kindness and compassion.

What about you?

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love, music | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments

The Potpourri of Blogging Comments

potpourri.PNG

I like blogging and I like making connections with people.  I enjoy the banter, the giggles and being engaged in discussions and seeing the other side of issues.  I’ve been grateful for all the advice you’ve sent my way and the support.  Thank you!

But as another blogger wrote recently, there’s a potpourri (not his word though) of bloggers out there and sometimes it’s difficult to navigate the comments section which made me stop and think about my own blogging.  For example, how far do you take a joke?  Is what I just wrote something that could possibly offend you and me not realize it?  Could what I wrote overstep the imaginary blogging boundaries?  Will you think I’m too forward if I put a ♥ at the end of my comment when I’m only showing caring?  Does what I write when I’m venting make you think I’m mean?  Will you think me unrealistic with what you may deem my saccharine sweetness mixed with my Pollyanna, upbeat optimism?  Will you think less of me if I complain?  Will you think I’m an a** kisser when I agree with you?  Or think I’m a brat if I don’t?  Do you write your comments with all that in mind before you hit post/send?  Do you second guess yourself when you write a comment?  Do you look for every response or do you see if someone has deleted your comment because it wasn’t what they envisioned as an answer to whatever they were blogging about?  Are we desensitized by the manner in which we connect because it’s virtual and unless we know each other in real life, we’re just friendly notes to each other?  So many thoughts are spinning in my mind!

Geez, it’s something I hadn’t ever even thought about, so I guess you could call me naive.  I simply enjoy the community feel that I have experienced since I’ve been blogging and frankly, I like the blinders since I haven’t had any bad experiences.  But it is a facet of blogging reality that I hadn’t even picked up on.

So I guess my question to you is this:

Have you had any bad experiences in blogging?  Would you share them below?  Or maybe take this opportunity to write about them on your blog?  If you do choose to post on that subject, would you please let me know as I’d love to see what you have to say and read your experiences.

So far, my experiences have all been positive and if someone has deleted my comment or been offended by me, then I’m sorry.  Just let me know!

Posted in finding happiness at 50, women 50 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Single Parents Unite!

singleparentsunite

Ever since I got divorced (and even before that official decree), I was mostly a single parent even though I was married.  Let’s face it, as the kids got older, it was more me than him because I was home and he traveled for work at times.  Then, when he disconnected, it was just me.

I’ve gotten used to it, as parenting is a joy for me and I love being Momma Bear to my kids.  But there are times now, that when something goes wrong, there’s no spouse to turn to because if you’ve been following my posts, you know that he’s vacated the parenting piece, much to the kids and my disappointment.

So the other day, I had a little issue with one of the kids.  It was a minor thing, but I needed clarification.  I needed to bounce the subject off on someone else, to vent a little and to come up with a solution before the kid returned home from school.  So, I called my trusty friend Coco who is a divorced mom herself.

We’ve been doing this more frequently as time passes which helps us both.  To know that you can trust a friend to listen as you navigate the sometimes turbulent waters of parenting helps and I’m really grateful for our friendship.

It’s true.  Sometimes it takes a village to help raise kids.  And when the family village runs away, you need to find a new village to listen, to advise and to be your friend.  Lucky for me, I’ve found a new village of single divorced parents who gladly help!  We throw out an issue and we return with solutions, all different kinds from the zany, wouldn’t you really like to say x to your kids? (but you won’t) to calming us down before we talk with the kids to lay down the law in a firm, but kind manner.

Being fair to the kids is key because they’re hurting too.  Sure, if it were a major issue, I would have contacted the Ex, but everyday parenting is mine alone which I’m ok with since it’s not to messy.  I was never one of those moms who said wait until your father gets home.  I was hands on, dealt with the situation myself and then let him know what was going on when he got home which worked for us when we were married.

If you’re a single parent, tell me how you do it?  Do you have a friend with whom you can discuss what’s going on or do you do it all alone?  How do you prefer it?

 

Posted in divorce | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Momma Bear

mommabear

My kids call me Mom, Mother, Momma or Mama sometimes, especially my older one.  Mom is the everyday way.  Mother is when they are aggravated by me.  Momma is used when they need that extra loving TLC.  That’s the word that I hear when they just need that unconditional love that only a Momma Bear can give.  Mama is used mostly when they have something to tell me that I may not like.  Mama is that playful wheedling – like Mama, can my friends come over for pizza and stay the night even though I know you have just the house torn apart cleaning?

It’s funny how the kids give us nicknames sometimes.  Well, it’s happened more since the Ex left, but it’s also been healing for us.  Whether they realize it instinctively or not, I know what’s the reason for the call by the way they address me.  Wouldn’t you after reading my above loose definitions of all the names?

There’s that indiscreet needy message word that I don’t even think they realize that they use.  But it’s understood.  When you call me Momma I know something’s not right in your world and I am listening immediately with an open heart.  Isn’t it amazing when you can read your kids by the name they call you?

What do your kids call you?  Do you have a nickname too?

Save

Posted in finding happiness at 50, love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Mistletoe Promise

mistletoepromise

Ok, I confess…I watch the Hallmark channel during the Christmas season.  I know it’s cheesy.  Believe me, I do!  But there’s something warm and magical about the movies they endlessly play, especially now.

You know that it’s a boy meets girl, they fall in love and most likely, live happily ever after after a few bumps in the road.  There’s something easy about watching those shows, even though there’s something annoying as hell about them too.  The same actors is one, the sometimes bad acting is another, but the hope that you may find someone by bumping into them synchronistically keeps the fantasy of finding someone special alive in me.  I’ve told you before, I’m a hopeful romantic.  But I’ve seen behind the curtain and witnessed the great wizard, so I am also based in reality.

I think it’s the simple romance that keeps me watching them.  Not that I constantly watch them because sometimes, it’s just too contrived, even for me.  But like last night, the kid and I had dinner and then he left to be with his Dad for the weekend.  It was quiet in the house and I just needed something to keep my mind off of the unplanned lone weekend ahead.

The Mistletoe Promise came on which is a repeat from last year’s line up.  Oh gosh, I knew it was a repeat because I’ve seen it before, how pathetic is that!  But I sat and watched it anyway.  Because it’s a nice story.  A little contrived and goofy, but still.  It’s nice how 2 strangers can work for a common goal and actually heal each other’s wounds and find love all while experiencing Christmas.

You see, I love Christmas.  Even after all the crap I’ve dealt with, I still believe in the magic of Christmas.  This will be my first official divorced Christmas that I have been dreading, but instead, I’m changing my tune.  I’ve accepted a few invites which normally I would have shied away from, being a plus one only.  But if I don’t get out there and enjoy the holiday season, then it’s my fault, especially when the invites have been extended.  Being that my only other option is to sit home and watch Hallmark while nibbling on smart pop popcorn (which isn’t helping my waistline), I’m trying to move out of my comfort zone.  And it’s hard.

But I keep thinking of my friends who have never been married and are usually the plus one, who move through the social season with the grace of gazelles.  I can do this.   I know I can.  I just have to psyche myself up for it.  But it’s hard.  Maybe you understand and maybe you don’t.

But if you’ve got any advice, I’m all ears so please share.

 

 

 

 

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Sometimes Divorce Feels Like An Unending Hell Week

hellweek

So my kid is pledging a fraternity and this week is the infamous hell week.  I check in everyday with him via texting and sometimes phone calls just to make sure that he’s ok.  With the Penn State horror of last year, I worry.  How can I not?  That poor family trusted that their son would be fine and he died horribly during pledging.  My heart just can’t grasp how one gets over that grief.  I can’t even begin to go there in my mind and I pray daily that I will never experience that situation.  I send piles of love to that family all the time, especially now when my own kid is dealing with hell week.

I liken divorce to hell week, even though it’s not the same and the time it takes from separation to divorce and beyond takes way longer than a week.  If you’ve experienced a divorce, I’m sure you know and you have stories to tell about what you dealt with as your marriage crumbled, divorce ensued and then the fallout from the divorce continued on into your new chapter on the road of reality.

While some divorces may go smoothly, others do not.  There’s a rearrangement in all facets of our lives when we go through a divorce.  Our worlds are turned upside down and it takes time to regain our centeredness.  At least that’s been the way it has evolved for me.  Has it been the same for you?

I’ll be glad when hell week is over for my kid as even though there are bumps in my own reality now, the essential hell week is over for me too.  I’ve been picking up the pieces of my tattered life for awhile and the reality is that I’m grateful for the divorce now.  I can see the good that has come out of the divorce and even though I mourned that I no longer had a partner, I am the matriarch of a healthy, loving family of 3 which means more to me than life itself.

 

Posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love, women 50 | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments