Answering My Mid-Life Wake Up Call


Mid-life wake up calls affect us all differently.  I am guessing that my soon-to-be-ex husband woke up one morning (during a mid-life crisis?) and decided he didn’t want to do this anymore.  He didn’t want to be a husband, nor a full-time dad.  Instead, he just wanted to be responsible for himself and not have that pesky family surrounding him with love.  I guess everyone responds differently to that wake up call.  I will say though, that I have heard way worse responses by ex-spouses, so I am grateful for my circumstances quite honestly.  Although after three years, I would like to put the divorce to rest and be done with it and with him in that way.  It’s not me that’s prolonging the agony.  Then again, it is what it is and I guess there’s something to be said for Divine Timing.  Perhaps the Universe has a reason for these circumstances that I simply cannot fathom at this time.  Either way, I will never be rid of him because he is the father of my children and I will co-parent with him until the end.  That’s my commitment.  We have yet to know his.

However, that whole situation sparked a huge wake up call in me.  Well, that and being on the cusp of turning 50!  I am having to sell our family home which means I need to find a place to rent for the kids and me.  Hopefully I can find a new safe, comfortable place which is in town so that nobody has to change schools mid-year.  So this new chapter is filled with new experiences that I am finding a bit daunting.  Yet, I am excited to have a new home for my kids and me that isn’t surrounded by family memories.  It’s a precarious place to be, balancing on the precipice of past and present when the future is still not clear.  I’m a planner. I like to know what’s going on so that I feel at peace.  In the midst of this unrest and chaos, there are so many variables and lessons for me to learn.  Lessons in being in the present moment and finding peace in it.  Whew…it’s a challenge to say the least!

Then there’s knowing that eventually, I will be divorced and single.  I loved being married and truth be told, I loved my husband very much and I wouldn’t have left him.  But people change and life is what it is now.  But eventually dating?  Having been with the same man for over 27 years, it’s a strange thought.  Have you ever been in this position?  Do you have any advice for someone like me?  My kids are on board with my dating, but it’s me who is holding back.  You would think it would be the opposite, but they have, time and again, reminded me to get out there.  It’s just my decision to wait until the divorce is final.  I don’t judge what others do or don’t do because certainly, the soon-to-be-ex has let the kids know that he has dated since the split.  I think everyone has to be comfortable in their decisions.  For what it’s worth, I’m comfortable in mine.

Have you had a mid-life wake up call?  What did yours say to you?

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4 Responses to Answering My Mid-Life Wake Up Call

  1. Hey Janie, your story sounds a lot like mine! Facing the year of turning 50 and finding my self on my own instead of celebrating 20 years of marriage and both our 50th birthdays… My wak-up call was to pick myself up and show my kids I could be strong on my own – hence the 50shadesofbrave challenges 🙂
    Lots of the feelings you describe about marriage and dating ring true for me too. You just need to take it at your pace and on your terms. Good luck x


  2. Stephanie Hancock says:

    Janie, my boat is exactly the same as yours in the experience you have had, and the feelings.
    I have taken a slighty different route regarding the dating, but that is the way I currently want to play it. Mutual support, without judgement welcome.
    Best wishes


    • janieleeds says:

      Stephanie, mutual support without judgement is my middle name LOL! I feel that I can change my mind about the dating thing and I”m open to listening to what others have to say about it because I don’t think there’s just one right answer in life. At 50,we can make our own rules! I’m grateful that we can connect!


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