Once upon a time, your mama knew how to shine.
That’s a line from the movie Hope Floats and it’s such a great sentence. It’s so meaningful to me because I had forgotten who I was long ago and how I enjoyed shining the me I was and felt confident in being. Long before the trials and tribulations of a declining marriage and subsequent separation and now a long, dragging on divorce.
Once upon a time, your mama knew how to shine….
That’s what I long to tell my children. I wasn’t always the woman you see before you. The one who wonders how she became so uptight with worry, who has forgotten when she last laughed with abandon and who holds life’s responsibilities all on her shoulders, alone. Once upon a time, I was the woman who enjoyed the company of people, who had many friends and who enjoyed being the life of the party. That girl, the one who dressed up to go out, who coiffed her hair and knew how to flirt with her own husband. The girl who enjoyed being herself and didn’t worry about what others’ thought of her, who didn’t have to watch her back or tread lightly in hopes she could make the money stretch to pay the bills.
So when did the shine begin tarnishing? I can’t pinpoint, but I can say that it was a slow process of me losing me, little by little, until my shine evaporated into nothingness. It’s been a slow process of re-finding myself, but I am happy to say, I am re-finding myself, although slowly. Time heals wounds and it is certainly helping me to find those bits and pieces of the Janie that I remember. Friends from my past seem to pop up into my life at times and they remind me of that giggly girl who enjoyed life. Besides my children, these friends who knew me ‘way back when’ have been such a healing force because they are allowing me to remember that gal who enjoyed shining.
Fifty is a time of rebirth for many of us and I’m looking forward to it. I want to shine again. I need to shine again. My life has changed dramatically, but I’m a survivor and I want to enjoy my life again. With determination, luck and a little sparkle (and some help from my friends), I’m planning on it!
Look out darlings, Golden Janie is coming back out of hiding and is going to SHINE!
How about you? Did you find that turning 50 reminded you of your shine? Let’s get out our tiaras girls! It’s time!
P.S. Please share if you’ve got some secrets to finding your shine again?
I’m sure it will help us all to regain our sparkle!