Do you know you? I thought I knew ME, but I am learning at rapid speed, since my jubilee is on the horizon (turning 50 you know), that there are parts of me that I’ve limited. Parts that I think it’s now time to set free.
I have always been, self-admitted, from childhood rules and I guess just my personality, a people-pleaser. My role was to be the peace-keeper, and the good girl in the family. I mothered everyone in my family and continued to mother my friends, pets, outside family etc. I took on the responsibility (which I think was given to me) of helping everyone to make their lives happier as if it were my sole purpose here on Earth. What I neglected for far too long I’m finding out, is me.
Because really, who died and left me Boss or better put, Mother Hen? I disliked conflict so I made sure not to ruffle feathers, to not speak up or to put my own needs aside so that others would be happy and then I would be happy because I wouldn’t feel like I had to help to make them happy. I gave in and I guess, I gave up in a sense.
I’m not excusing my behavior because I realize that at any point, I could have broken free from the bonds of what my family deemed was my role. And I did for a time when I moved away from them. I had a year of bliss when I wasn’t responsible for anyone but me! It remains my favorite year of my life, although after having kids, their births trump that year! As a mom, you know what I mean.
But that little spitfire, the girl who LIVED a year only being responsible for herself, that is who I am in spirit. I won’t ever stop mothering or caring for those whom I love, but I am unwilling, as I stand on the cusp of 50, to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own anymore.
This is going to be a process for me to allow myself to not jump when a family member needs me and I have my own crisis to deal with at the same time. Surely, it will be a bit of a tango for me or maybe more like the chicken dance! HA But I will somehow make it work, but keep myself, my needs, my life in the forefront while I’m helping. I won’t forget to put on MY OXYGEN MASK (like they say before the airplane takes off) before I help them to put on theirs.
This is the cusp of 50 me talking…
What about you? What changed when you turned 50?