Knowing Me, Knowing You


Do you know you?  I thought I knew ME, but I am learning at rapid speed, since my jubilee is on the horizon (turning 50 you know), that there are parts of me that I’ve limited.  Parts that I think it’s now time to set free.

I have always been, self-admitted, from childhood rules and I guess just my personality, a people-pleaser.  My role was to be the peace-keeper, and the good girl in the family.  I mothered everyone in my family and continued to mother my friends, pets, outside family etc.  I took on the responsibility (which I think was given to me)  of helping everyone to make their lives happier as if it were my sole purpose here on Earth.  What I neglected for far too long I’m finding out, is me.

Because really, who died and left me Boss or better put, Mother Hen?  I disliked conflict so I made sure not to ruffle feathers, to not speak up or to put my own needs aside so that others would be happy and then I would be happy because I wouldn’t feel like I had to help to make them happy.  I gave in and I guess, I gave up in a sense.

I’m not excusing my behavior because I realize that at any point, I could have broken free from the bonds of what my family deemed was my role.  And I did for a time when I moved away from them.  I had a year of bliss when I wasn’t responsible for anyone but me!  It remains my favorite year of my life, although after having kids, their births trump that year!  As a mom, you know what I mean.

But that little spitfire, the girl who LIVED a year only being responsible for herself, that is who I am in spirit.  I won’t ever stop mothering or caring for those whom I love, but I am unwilling, as I stand on the cusp of 50, to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own anymore.

This is going to be a process for me to allow myself to not jump when a family member needs me and I have my own crisis to deal with at the same time.  Surely, it will be a bit of a tango for me or maybe more like the chicken dance! HA  But I will somehow make it work, but keep myself, my needs, my life in the forefront while I’m helping.  I won’t forget to put on MY OXYGEN MASK (like they say before the airplane takes off) before I help them to put on theirs.

This is the cusp of 50 me talking…

What about you?  What changed when you turned 50?

This entry was posted in 50 years old, finding happiness at 50, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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