Knowing Me, Knowing You

knowingmeknowingyou

Do you know you?  I thought I knew ME, but I am learning at rapid speed, since my jubilee is on the horizon (turning 50 you know), that there are parts of me that I’ve limited.  Parts that I think it’s now time to set free.

I have always been, self-admitted, from childhood rules and I guess just my personality, a people-pleaser.  My role was to be the peace-keeper, and the good girl in the family.  I mothered everyone in my family and continued to mother my friends, pets, outside family etc.  I took on the responsibility (which I think was given to me)  of helping everyone to make their lives happier as if it were my sole purpose here on Earth.  What I neglected for far too long I’m finding out, is me.

Because really, who died and left me Boss or better put, Mother Hen?  I disliked conflict so I made sure not to ruffle feathers, to not speak up or to put my own needs aside so that others would be happy and then I would be happy because I wouldn’t feel like I had to help to make them happy.  I gave in and I guess, I gave up in a sense.

I’m not excusing my behavior because I realize that at any point, I could have broken free from the bonds of what my family deemed was my role.  And I did for a time when I moved away from them.  I had a year of bliss when I wasn’t responsible for anyone but me!  It remains my favorite year of my life, although after having kids, their births trump that year!  As a mom, you know what I mean.

But that little spitfire, the girl who LIVED a year only being responsible for herself, that is who I am in spirit.  I won’t ever stop mothering or caring for those whom I love, but I am unwilling, as I stand on the cusp of 50, to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own anymore.

This is going to be a process for me to allow myself to not jump when a family member needs me and I have my own crisis to deal with at the same time.  Surely, it will be a bit of a tango for me or maybe more like the chicken dance! HA  But I will somehow make it work, but keep myself, my needs, my life in the forefront while I’m helping.  I won’t forget to put on MY OXYGEN MASK (like they say before the airplane takes off) before I help them to put on theirs.

This is the cusp of 50 me talking…

What about you?  What changed when you turned 50?

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