No Explanations


I stopped explaining myself when I realized

people only understand

from their level of perception.

~ Unknown

I am learning this lesson, slowly because I innately believe in the power of love and connection.  When you tell me what’s going on in your life, I immediately get in your shoes, try to understand your feelings and connect with what you’re trying to tell me so that I can be there for you.  I guess it’s just the way I’m built.  Empath?  Or because I’m someone who has packed a lot of difficult experiences into almost 50 years of living?  Whatever the reason, when you confide in me or talk with me, I’m there with you, holding your hand, walking on the path with you, if that’s what you need from me.

But there are people in my life whom I’ve realized that when I have a difficult time, they cannot go there with me.  Instead of wading through the rough waters with me, they stand on the shore and shout commands or question why or throw out barbs instead of a life jacket.

Like most women of our age group, I have had my share of past experiences which aren’t easy.  The current situation of getting divorced, having to sell our home and move, all while being the primary parent because he’s moved away, makes it difficult to plan my future.  Sure, I have goals I want to accomplish, but I’m in a bit of limbo at this point, a holding pattern of sorts which feels like torture at times since I’m a planner.  I like to know what my next step is and where I am going.  But instead, I’ve had to let go and go with the flow.  Of course, I’m steering my boat, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve had to just allow the future to unfold.  Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not a controlling kind of gal either.  I just have pets, my kids and me that I’m fully responsible for and time is ticking and we still have no place to go and start over.

If you’re going through a divorce, you will probably ‘get it’ but there are those who haven’t been through this type of situation, who just can’t get into our shoes because it’s too hard to imagine.  Or because they can imagine it and they think it’s easier than we are making it out to be.  Far be it for me to judge anyone else, (and I don’t), but I think there’s a bit of compassion missing when others refuse to understand the enormity of emotional, mental and physical drain a divorce, a move and financial stress have on women.  Let’s be honest.  We are all at once, taking care of everyone else’s emotional and psychological needs, plus our own and trying to stay centered throughout all the while trying to start over.  Dealing with a STBX (soon-to-be-ex) is stressful enough, but it gets worse when family gets involved.  Then there’s selling a home and moving which forces us to stare financial reality in the face and deal with it because – who’s responsible?  We are!  Yikes!  I don’t want to go to the dark place of pity.  Nope.  I refuse to dwell there.  I just simply stopped explaining myself to certain people.  Let their perceptions be just that, their perceptions and I will go on my merry way, doing what needs to be done to the best of my ability.

Thanks for reading…I needed a friend today.

Hope you are having a great weekend.


This entry was posted in divorce, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to No Explanations

  1. Janie,
    I am right there with you.. exactly that bend in the road.
    Thank you.
    Stephanie x


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