There’s no denying that divorce affects the whole family. Not just the parents who are divorcing nor the children involved. It affects the whole family unit, including the other family members who are now tossed into the fray and choosing sides. It’s never easy to navigate the treacherous waters which become mired into team wife or team husband (for simplicity, I wrote team wife/team husband, but it can be however your partnership looks).
Choosing sides is human nature I guess and even though I was hurt, it was natural that his family went with him and mine with me. Every relationship is different and I will not extend my experiences onto the masses of how the disruption in the family unit affects the others outside the nuclear family. It’s unique to every family and every individual in the family. Even their most well-meaning comments or attempts to be kind are laced with the knowing that he is part of my family and therefore you are now not. It’s hard to have been a part of an extended family unit for years, only to be dumped unceremoniously by the entire herd.
There are exceptions, although they remain quiet. Those who understand, but must keep peace with the herd. Those are the ones who reach out quietly to me and to whom I find their friendship even more precious.
Social media is difficult to navigate with extended outlaws now as well. Having been unfriended, I have now blocked them all. There was too much of my STBXMIL (soon-to-be-ex-mother-in-law) trolling social media, reporting to her son and getting between us as we tried to peacefully navigate the divorce. It got messy, so now I am grateful that we are now in no-contact mode.
I feel as if I have been a team player throughout the separation and divorce process. I have always remembered to send a card for every holiday to his whole family, even when he did not. But that was the last straw. I am hurt because I thought we could remain friendly. But that is not to be.
Has anything like this happened to you?