Feeling Lonely


We all get that lonely feeling at times, especially when there’s a break up in a relationship from a divorce or dating or a friendship or even with family.  There’s a point where we realize we are alone because we are no longer involved in that relationship and it can feel lonely and scary.

I know when my husband left the marriage, I felt very alone.  I couldn’t fathom how to navigate the days that followed when we had been a couple for more than 2 decades.  I had been so in love with the man I married and yet over the years, I hadn’t realized how much either of us had changed.  Voila, one day it was simply over because he declared it to be and so it was.

I mourned the loss of him greatly and grievously.  But as time began to heal me, I realized that my loneliness was a product of my choices and I began to change my choices.  I am one of those who is comfortable being alone and comfortable being with people, but I need a little alone time to center myself.  What I was equating as loneliness was simply my need to center myself.  Once I realized that, I began to heal.

Because let’s face it, we come into this world alone and we go out of this world alone and we alone are responsible for ourselves.  Don’t mistake me, I know there’s a mom who births us and perhaps we will have loved ones with us when we pass away, but we do it all on our own.

So alone-ness is not loneliness.  Being alone is one choice which is quite different from being lonely.  We can be lonely in a marriage, lonely in a family, lonely in a crowd of people or lonely when alone.  What we need to do is to strengthen ourselves so that we are happy being alone, happy with ourselves and work on our own person so that we are never lonely when alone.  We can reach out to connect with other people when we are feeling loneliness, but we can also fill the void up within ourselves.

Does that make sense?

So if you’re feeling lonely, just stop by here.  I’ll set out some sweet iced tea and a few cookies and we can sit on the front porch in the rocking chairs and chat.  Or we can simply sit quietly in companionable silence and watch the wildlife go by.  Come on!  Join me!

This entry was posted in 50 years old, divorce, finding happiness at 50, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Feeling Lonely

  1. richardjalba says:

    What you mention here makes a lot of sense. I’ve had my own periods of loneliness after much insight I realize why being lonely can be hard. Loneliness feels like disappearing.

    Not to sound pessimistic, but existentially we are alone and that makes us uncomfortable. Like you said “we come into this world alone and we go out of this world alone and we alone are responsible for ourselves”.

    But someone else’s love makes us feel otherwise. We don’t feel lonely because loving someone and having them love you back validates your existence. Making them become a part of you. It’s why love feels incredible.

    But it’s also why love can hurt. Because when someone you love dies, you lose a part of yourself. I imagine it’s part of the reason why anger is a part of grief. Because the world continues to move forward, even though a part of you just left this earth. It’s a reminder that we are alone.

    And when you mention being happy being alone. You’re referring to peaceful loneliness – solitude. Having a peaceful relationship with yourself. Loving yourself enough to not feel lonely.


    • janieleeds says:

      Exactly! Thank you for understanding me. Loving ourselves is difficult at times and it’s the one lesson that so many people are missing out of because they haven’t learned how to love themselves. They believe that we are only worthy when someone else loves us. Love when shared between two people validates our existence and it feels so good! But if we were healthy thinkers about loving ourselves, it would only magnify the incredible feeling that’s shared when we love someone else and feel that love returned by them as well.
      As for the death of a loved one, I agree with you completely. That’s why there are those 7 stages of grief.

      Liked by 1 person

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