Are You Changing Your Name?

areyouchangingyourname

My divorce lawyer asked me if I wanted to change my name back to my maiden name.  When my husband and I first separated, I was practically hell bent on removing his name from me when I thought about my future after the divorce.  I yearned to return to the spitfire I remembered I was back before I took his name by marriage.  I spent hours trying to force myself to sign my name with my maiden name, instead of my married name, as I reasoned that since we were divorcing, I would return to who I was.

But for me, I was wrong.

Because what I failed to see at the time was that the spitfire with the maiden name had evolved into a married woman who took her husband’s last name joyfully, had children with him and now was being released from the marriage.  But I wasn’t releasing who I had grown to be while in the marriage, or in the aftershocks of separation and now divorce.  Sure, I get a new lease on life, a new chapter if you will, but I know me.  I’m not changing who I authentically am, even with the glimpses of the younger spitfire version.  I am still me, married or divorced.

Does that make sense?  So I am keeping my married name which I’ve had for over 20 years.  I want to remain with the same last name of my children.  I’ve had friends who changed back to their maiden names upon divorce which fits them beautifully, but it just didn’t fit for me.

What about you?

Are you keeping your married name after divorce or returning to your maiden name?

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9 Responses to Are You Changing Your Name?

  1. Keeping the name so it can be the same as my children…maybe someday I’ll change. Funny thing is, I never wanted to change my name to his in the first place and it still feels odd to write it (22 years of marriage), but now that I have a chance, I don’t want to change it. It doesn’t make sense to go back to something that also doesn’t fit me.

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    • janieleeds says:

      That’s exactly how I felt Kathy. But I was sure I wanted to move forward and not backward. I wish you all the best and I am going to stop over to see your blog as well. Thanks for visiting mine and sharing your story.

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  2. I think it’s an individual decision. After my first marriage ended, I kept my name, but really because I had become professionally known by that name. It was easier. Plus, all my registrations were in that name.

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  3. MoJo says:

    I don’t want to shock you but I think someone should tell you now because it seems like you don’t know this – you are still a spitfire and that name doesn’t change one bit of your magic! A rose by any other name… But if you do ever decide to change your name, please just allow me to offer a few ideas before you finally anything. I’m thinking something along the lines of Her Royal Fabness or maybe Madame Butterfly. Wait – scratch that last one. If my memory serves me correctly, you may have better luck with anything other than that. I will keep thinking of ideas, but until then, I say that you are equally perfect either way and should just follow your heart. OH OH OH WAIT AGAIN – I’VE GOT IT!!! We could refer to you as The Woman Formerly Know As Mrs. Leeds and then make up a funky symbol to represent your new name but we actually just call you TWFKAML because we don’t know how to say the symbol. And then years later we would lose the symbol and return to calling you Mrs. Leeds again. It worked for Prince. It could work for you, too!!! Lol

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  4. I’m still undecided on this one. I’m none to fond of still carrying his name around… but I can’t say I was overly enamoured with my maiden name either. My kids quite fancy a double-barrelled name…or perhaps I can just choose something complete original and unrelated to either name… Not sure yet. Watch this space 😊

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    • janieleeds says:

      Do what you feel is best for you! I think you have to be happy with what you choose and I hope that you can find peace with whatever name you choose! Keep in touch and let me know what you decide. I like the idea of a double-barrelled name!

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