My STBX (soon-to-be-ex) and I had to be in court recently to review our divorce agreement to which we weren’t agreeing. He had sent me one to which I scoffed at and now it was his turn. Before meeting with our lawyers, we had wait time while our lawyers were talking with other clients who were also at court. Interestingly enough, STBX and I sat together, sorry smiles on our faces, with the thought in my head, ‘well, we at least can still sit together and not act like the rest who are so angry that they can’t even sit in the same area, let alone next to each other.’ It’s kinda like when you don’t know anyone else, but this one person, whom you may not really like? Do you know what I mean? Has this ever happened to you with your STBX?
As fate would have it, I was already seated in a bank of chairs and there was only one seat open that was next to me. He shyly smiled and sat down next to me with a shrug of his shoulders. I know we were the only divorcing couple sitting next to each other there as I had been there for awhile and had watched as others chose seats far away from their partners and some who occasionally glared at their spouses from across the room.
It’s bizarre to me how a marriage can fall apart so completely and communication can be so absurdly demolished that you can barely sit in the same room together and wait to get divorced. I watched some spouses catch a glimpse of their partners and refuse to sit in the same area. Instead they opted to stand awkwardly off to the side while they waited to be called, busily texting on their phones.
I clearly remember the love I had for my STBX when we got married. Full of hope, dreams and love, the memories of the beginning of our relationship and marriage were special. I would imagine most people would have similar feelings about the beginnings. What appalls me is the ending, as I watched hateful glances be thrown to and fro between divorcing spouses. I am grateful that even though it’s been really rocky and awful throughout the process, it was never outwardly hate-filled between us.
I watch the couples be called two by two to talk with the judge and the panelists, accompanied by their lawyers and I imagine the meanness masquerading the hurt they feel inside. At least, that’s my two cents, for what it’s worth.
So please, use your manners in divorce court. Be respectful. Let bygones be bygones. Let go of the past and embrace the future of your new chapter. You don’t need to act ugly in retaliation. You don’t need to do anything, but be. Take the high road. Be yourself. Be peaceful. I know deep down inside, you may be sad like I am. You may be hurting. You may be angry and have just cause for every single one of the emotions. You don’t have to be a frozen, non-emotional person, but nor do you need to show everyone else your barely concealed anger.
There’s a fine line between love and hate and indifference. Do you know when you crossed over the line of love to the other side? Because honestly, the ironic thing is that you married this person – remember – through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death do you part? Have you ever stopped to wonder what the hell happened after you took your marriage vows?