He’s Told The Kids He’s Seeing Someone


Has this happened to you?  You probably remember that gut wrenching feeling when your kids told you that their Dad told them that he’s seeing someone.  Even though for me, there have been signs along the way (that I thought I had been dealing with), nothing prepared me for the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that came after hearing it from my kids.

Kids are smart and even if you think you’re not showing that you’ve found someone, they know.  As my kids told me, suddenly he was posting on Facebook and they put 2+2 together.  Because I’ve been blocked from his Facebook, which I am grateful for in all honesty, I didn’t know.  When he suddenly asked the kids for photos and wanted to take pictures with them and was selfie posting constantly, they said they knew.  Because before this, he had been posting occasionally, but now it was a full on frenzy.

According to the kids, his status hasn’t changed, but I told them that it was only a matter of time before they would see that he was in a relationship.  When I asked the kids how they responded to his reveal, they told me they replied ‘ok’ and nothing more.  They didn’t ask questions about the person nor did they ask a name and he didn’t offer anything else.  When I asked how they felt about it, they said they didn’t really care.  However, you and I both know that if he should show up one day on visitation with her in tow, they will have to face the situation and her.  What I hope is that she is nice and will be good to them.  I feel sorry for her because my EX is charming and she has no idea of his dark side.  I don’t want to be with him, but it feels funny being replaced.

I knew this day would come and I figured it would come for him sooner since I have full custody of the kids and he’s a free agent, only seeing them 2 nights a month.  I’m not rushing into anything either for that matter, but yes, I would like to meet a nice man one of these days.  But I figure that the kids are only at home for a short period of time before they go to college and I’d prefer to be here, to be the one at home with them and to grow our relationship before they fly the coop.  Although I would like to open my life up a bit now that they are older.  And I’m starting.  Little by little, out of my comfort zone and back into the world.

Starting over is a healing process I think and it takes baby steps.  I might have taken a teensy step backwards with the recent news, but only for a moment.  I knew it was inevitable and I had seen the signs already.   But the spoken words to the kids and them to me, hit me harder than I’d imagined.

I’m not in a competition to see who gets a new relationship first for as it is, he’s already got one.  I’m not the type of girl who rushes into anything either.  I prefer to dip my toes in and then slowly get into the dating pool  So here’s to me dipping my toes in.  It’s time.  I’ve been ready for a little bit, but I’ve been afraid.  Mind you, I don’t want the man I married back.  He’s not the same man I knew.  But it feels weird to think of him with someone else after 20 plus years of marriage.  I just hope I don’t see him with her for a bit.  You know what I mean, don’t you?

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7 Responses to He’s Told The Kids He’s Seeing Someone

  1. Oh yes… I know EXACTLY what you mean. ((((Hugs)))) xx


  2. MoJo says:

    New relationships are like that first bite of cake. Delicious and luxurious at the very beginning. After you’ve had a bit of it, the new wears off and the heavier stuff starts to set in. I’m not saying that they will go down in flames. I’m just saying that reality will seep into their relationship and he will see that the grass isn’t always greener. Not that he had one but affairs are rarely about sex. They are about escaping reality. New relationships are the same way. They are fun but they are usually superficial. Getting below that initial surface layer of fun and easy can be very unfun and quite hard. It will be interesting to see how this goes but I’m much more interested to see who finds you eventually. You put the real you out there. You own your imperfections. You are looking for more than a fantasy. And you, darling friend, are utterly irreplaceable. You are destined for greatness. He just couldn’t keep up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      My gosh Jo, my head is swelling with your kind words! Thank you dear one. I wish him well, honestly. I want him to be happy and I want myself to be happy. I want his new friend to be happy as well and to be good to my kids. There’s nothing like the beginnings of a relationship – I can remember that far back myself! Butterflies and all that goes along with a first kiss. Someday it will happen for me, but in the meantime, I’m ok with me until the right one comes along. 🙂


  3. Mischenko says:

    “But I figure that the kids are only at home for a short period of time before they go to college and I’d prefer to be here, to be the one at home with them and to grow our relationship before they fly the coop. ” I love this. You’re doing the right thing, IMO.

    This has to be so hard. I honestly don’t know what to say, but you’re so brave. You know what you want and I believe it’s all going to fall in to place for you with time. I hope you don’t have to deal with someone new coming around for a while either. ❤ Hugs 🤗


    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you Mischenko. The kids and I have talked about it further and they are at peace (as much as they can be) for it is hard to know that their dad is dating. It’s interesting how each kid reacted to the news. I am ok with it and yes, I hope that I don’t have to deal with the new person for a bit longer either. Let the news settle in a bit longer. xo

      Liked by 1 person

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