Ok, I’m not there yet in my life. Sure, at some point, I’d like to start dating again, but I need some more me time before I get involved with someone new. Again, that’s just me, so if you’ve found your new special someone, I applaud you and wish you all the best! Please let us know how you found him – dating app, friend of a friend, online, knew him before, or even met a stranger at the grocery store? Oh please share! We all need to hear of good news after a divorce!
Recently I was listening to a youtube video by a guy Click here to see more about Matthew Hussey who is helping women to find love. I know a bunch of single and divorced women nowadays. It seems they have become my tribe, even though my married friends are still very much in the picture. But those who are without a significant other at the moment are the ones with whom I’m closest right now for a host of reasons.
ANYWAY…the gist of the this particular video was this: most women aren’t attracted to a man who is pining for a girlfriend/relationship. The fact is, a man who is in a relationship is no better than one who isn’t. But at some point, our minds have trained us to think that because he’s in a relationship or recently left one, he’s got his act together more than the guy who isn’t dating someone at this point. Does that make sense to you? Do you think that way?
On the flip side, you are not less than for not being in a relationship. You are not less attractive or less put together. You are only less attractive to the opposite sex if you come off as acting desperate to be in a relationship. You know what I mean, don’t you? Your friend who just wants a boyfriend so badly to take care of her, regardless of who he is – she just wants a relationship so that she’s not alone? Maybe if she figured out that she was able to take care of herself and be happy alone, men would flock to her more often. Attraction is met by someone who is happy and has her stuff together. She’s confident and ready to have an equally fulfilling relationship with a man. If she’s acting weak and desperately wants to be saved, that’s not attractive. You wouldn’t be attracted to a man if he acted that way, would you? Clearly weak is not the same as vulnerable and you know the difference, right? I’m just saying. A man who is sensitive is not the same as weak or vice versa. Yikes, am I digging my hole deeper?
But men do like to feel protective and helpful. One of Matthew’s videos suggested the following lines:
I could really use your help with something.
I feel so safe and protected with you.
which supposedly ignites that care-taking feeling in a man which they like. And let’s be honest, we all like to take care of those we like/love. Also, we like to feel appreciated when we go out of our way to do something nice as well.
Bottom line is this: Be happy with who you are right now. Be happy to share your life with someone and he will come because he will find you attractive and vice versa. Does that make sense? Because men, like animals can smell fear and desperation. If you are desperate for a boyfriend, even the most dunce-headed man will know and smell it on you like a bad perfume. He will either play with your emotions or run like hell. But neither option is a good one for you.
Ok, I’m off my soapbox for now. Sorry if I’ve offended you in any way. I just think sometimes we need a friend to say what’s hard to say. I’m not speaking to anyone in particular by the way, so don’t think this post is about you. It’s not. It’s just a general reminder for those who are feeling this way.
And truth be told, yes, I’ve felt that way too.