It’s a road of discovery, strewn with some rocks, some detours and some debris. But it’s my path that I’m on and I’m determined to find all the parts of myself to make me whole again. Being forced to change my entire life by divorcing after more than 20 years of marriage was not a challenge I was ready for, but then when are we ready for such dramatic changes in our lives? Certainly few of us shout YAY when faced with a life upheaval like that when it’s not what we wanted. But it happens all the same and we are left to pick up the pieces and move on.
So that’s what I’m doing.
Yesterday I was wearing a pair of madras pants (similar to the photo example above). I found them in the back of the closet, put them on and because I loved the colors and it’s summer, I wore them. Back when I was married, I wouldn’t have worn them as my EX didn’t like that look. But I had a big smile on my face with the simplicity of wearing them yesterday, knowing that I am my own woman now and I don’t have to please anyone but me. Maybe this doesn’t seem like such a big thing for you, but by the end of my marriage, I would intentionally wear what I knew he liked, even though he never complimented me when I tried to look nice. Looking back, I see that simple act was me losing myself, bit by bit and I didn’t even realize it.
Simple pleasures that were previously frowned upon are not stolen moments anymore. They are enjoyable pieces of peace which I find in my life like precious sea glass on the beach. Little things I do for me (or choose not to do) are small steps to recovering myself after years of marriage.
What have you done to find parts of yourself?