Hold Me Close – Hugs Needed

All during the turbulent separation and divorce, the one thing that I wanted more than anything was to be hugged.  I wanted to be held for a few moments of peace.  I wanted someone’s arms around me, to nestle me and to just let me lay my head on their chest, arms firmly wrapped around me so that I could just breathe for a few moments and not be responsible for anyone at all, not even myself.

I still dream of being held that way.

Have you ever just wanted to let go and be held?  Even for just a few moments?  There were friends who helped through the hard times, but nobody ever held me.  I don’t think I would have even been too particular about who it was who stepped up to lend me a few moments of peace and rejuvenation.  Really.  When it comes to it, I can honestly say, I would have taken almost anyone’s offer.  But none came.

Maybe because I never said it aloud.  I never asked.  At this age, people don’t assume we need to be held.  Sure a quick hug from a friend when we meet and depart.  That’s considered normal.  But to be held for more than a few quick seconds?  Not in the cards.

I imagine there are others out there who just need a few moments of serenity from time to time.  Are you out there?  Do you feel this way or do you think I’m some type of a crazy lunatic who is a baby?  I can assure you that I’m not.  I’m just showing you me – my vulnerable side.  The one that just needs a bit of protection occasionally.  I’m not needy by any means.  I have and can and do handle a ton of stuff on a daily basis and not many people know that side of me.  They see a divorced mom who has had a hard time recently, but who’s making it work the best she can with a positive smile.

I’m an affectionate person by nature.  Innately, I’m touchy feely but I’ve been surrounded by family (now abandoned by his family) who didn’t understand me.  At 50 years old now, I think I’m entitled to be me and to enjoy being me.

Consider this a hug from me to you, if you need it.  If you don’t, then I’ll back off.  I’m not one to push when I know you’re not a hugger.

♥