The other night, while flipping through mindless TV channels, I came upon a movie which normally I wouldn’t have watched, but the title intrigued me. It was called The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom. The description was: A divorced woman finds sexual liberation through online dating. Hmmm I thought. Kids are asleep and what an interesting movie description, especially as you know I’ve been thinking of dating again. And ahem, just to make things clear, I’m not thinking of the sex part yet. Not quite yet. Even the thought of kissing another man is full of emotions including fear, excitement and longing.
Anyway, I watched the movie which wasn’t what I expected it to be. I won’t ruin it for you in case you want to watch it. But what I will say, was that even though the journey she took was not one I would have, the final result of her healing herself was what struck me. Because there were similarities for me in her marriage. A husband who traveled and worked long hours. Being a single mom in a marriage because of his schedule. The dynamic between the couple as she allowed him the power in the relationship. Those parts hit very close to home and I felt as if I was watching something that would heal me as well. And it did because even though the manner in which she healed isn’t something I would have chosen for myself, the result was that she became stronger and more self-assured in all parts of her life. And that’s the missing piece that I needed to help myself to heal as well.
I gave away my power in order to keep peace in my marriage. The convoluted pattern we established after many years was detrimental to both of us and yet we seemed powerless to change it, even though both of us were unhappy in the end. I didn’t begin as a powerless woman in the marriage. It simply evolved over time as he was the breadwinner and I was the stay at home Mom. Resentments on both sides increased as the years went by and we were no longer a team. That’s the sad part.
Healing for me was to realize that now, as an officially single divorced Mom, I have the power to choose without repercussions from an absent spouse. No longer am I bound by the fear of reprisal when I had to explain why I did something or why I didn’t do something. It has been a journey of self-discovery for me and this movie was the icing on the cake as it made me remember who I am as a woman again and the power vested in me to choose with self-confidence what I want, when I want and how I want to live my life.
Sure, I’d like to find a partner as I’ve mentioned before, but I don’t feel that need as so many single women do. I’m ok on my own to enjoy my life with my kids until I meet someone special. Don’t get me wrong, in the meantime, sure, I’m looking, but I’m also concentrating on me.
Have you seen the movie? What did you think of it?