The Problem With Dating After 50

theproblemwithdatingafter50

Let’s be honest.  Dating after 50 seems waaaay different than dating when we were younger.  First, there’s a smaller dating pool – a shallow pool because we’re not all young, working and without responsibilities.  We don’t have a monster list of friends and co-workers whom we can contact to go out with or to at least pick their brains about who’s available to date.  In addition, we have baggage now (kids, EXes, financial stressors, maybe even aging parents) which we didn’t have years ago.  Back then, we went out when we wanted and with whom we wanted because there were always plenty of people our age to choose from when we were looking to date.  We still had our college friends and their friends, in addition to work friends and then there were the guys we just met by chance.

I have wonderful memories of those days when dating was easier.

Now I have kids at home so my time is sometimes limited.  I don’t work, so the work pool is non-existent, not that I ever dated anyone from work, nor do I suggest doing it as it isn’t a good idea.  College friends are few and far between, because remember, I was married for over 20 years.  It was fine to keep up with my girlfriends from college, but not the guys.  And we’ve all moved on since then.  Anything we had flirtatiously going on is just a distant memory now – not to mention I’d have no idea how to find them and they’re probably married now too.  It doesn’t look good to reach out to an ex-college boyfriend especially after you broke up, now does it?

In addition to all that – single guys (divorced or just single) at age 50 aren’t looking for a single divorced woman of the same age!  Nope.  They’re looking for the younger version.  The younger woman who is going to make them feel like the macho young man that they are in the minds and not the mid-life 50 year old that they are.  Gentlemen, you can look and feel like you’re 40, but you’re 50 and nothing is changing that fact.  I’m not jealous or mad about it.  I get it.  Who doesn’t want to feel younger?  Honestly, I understand if you choose a 32 year old over me.  If she wants you, good for you – Trophy wife # 2!

But can you admit that there’s something special about a woman who knows and accepts you for who you are because you’re similar in age?  I’m not saying that Miss 32 won’t adore you or be the best arm candy going, for which every guy is going to be jealous.  I get it.  But the shared childhood timeline is a great bond in relationships.  In other words, dating someone nearer to your age is comfortable.  Music, memories, past knowledge are there for you to connect over.  Friendships with similarly-aged people is easier.  You don’t have to be up on your game all the time, making sure that you’re hip enough to keep her.  I don’t know.  Maybe this is sounding resentful and it’s totally not meant to be.  Honest.  I’m just putting out gentle reminders in case there are some 50 year old men lurking on my blog and reading.

So what do I want?

I want you, with all of your life experience.  I want you to be a man and not some metro-sexual hipster who’s trying way too hard to be all that to impress anyone.  I want to feel like a woman and have the door held for me and all that chivalrous stuff that men used to do.  I want to genuinely smile and thank you when you act protectively (but not stalker protective – you know the difference, right?)  I want that subtle flirtation between us that begins slowly, but smolders as the night goes on.  I want to bond with you over similar life experiences or going down memory lane.  I want you to walk me to my car to make sure I’m safe after the dinner, but not insist on coming back to my place.  I want to give you a hug and if we’re both feeling it, a gentle kiss goodnight.  I want to be smiling as I drive away from our first date and fantasizing about the possibility of a second.  I’m hoping that if I’m feeling that way, you are too.  I want to feel that giggly anticipation like we used to in high school when our immature friends went back and forth confirming that if you asked me out, then would I say yes?  And within a day or two, I want to experience the thrill of you asking me out for a second date and me saying yes.

Does this ever happen anymore?

Or am I living in fantasy land?

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13 Responses to The Problem With Dating After 50

  1. I love how you are putting your truth and yourself out there. It will happen. And I think you are worth it. Not a fantasy land. Just takes more time. xoxo

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks Jay. I’ve not even tried the dating scene yet quiet honestly. This is all conjecture from reading other people’s blogs and talking with single/divorced friends my age. But I figure what I think about comes to me so I’m thinking positively but also asking for reality checks. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Manuela says:

    I hope it’s not fantasy. I’m hoping for the same thing!

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  3. Hold out for something great. You’ll find it!

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  4. K E Garland says:

    I don’t know, but I look forward to finding out through your blog 😉

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  5. It is difficult going back on the market after years out 😉 I was married 27 years when I started dating again and it’s so true about men wanting younger! I found that either the way too young in their thirties to my fifties or the eighties were attracted to me!

    I didn’t want to be someone’s mother or nurse ! I tried similar age to me which was ok but in the end I personally found that older ( not too old ) was better!

    Good luck with your search, look forward to reading about it. 😊

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  6. godtisx says:

    I honestly have the same question…

    Like

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