A Question For Men Who Are Dating After Divorce

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Hi guys!  It’s Janie here and I have a question for you.  I hope you’ll answer because this is bugging me.  I’m not mad about it.  I’m simply curious because we divorced women have been talking about this lately.  Since we can’t ask our EXes the question, I’m putting it out to you.

Honesty appreciated.  We aren’t angry first wives.  We’re simply curious.

How is it that many of you start new relationships soon after divorce?  I mean, I’m happy that my EX has found someone new.  Really.  I’m not just saying that because I’m trying to be all new agey.  Nope.  I have no desire to be back with him and I truly wish him well.  I’m over him and not in a mean way.  It just is what it is and I’m finally fine with it.  But it amazes me how many divorced women’s Exes soon after the divorce or when they are separated, begin dating again full tilt.

And I’m not thinking about the mourning of a marriage fallen apart side of it.  Although I felt like I had to mourn the 20+ year marriage that broke up.  I mourned and I healed.  I’m ready to date as our my divorced friends.  But we aren’t doing online dating so there’s a small pool in which to dip our toes.  With the coming of the Mom-time off weekend, we’d love some advice.

Because the EXes we know are dating women who may or may not be divorced.  So I’d love to know how you are meeting them as I’d like to meet a nice man too.

Are you hanging out in bars?  Are you trolling the grocery store?  Are you doing online dating and which apps are you using?  Are you getting referrals from friends?  Getting set up on blind dates?  Using a matchmaker?

I have single friends who use Tinder and OKCupid as well as Match.  It seems like it’s a serial one date stop and shop which I’m not into myself.  But they continue to use it with first dates, but few follow ups.  Heck, maybe it’s my friends! LOL

So please, tell me, how did you start dating after divorce?

Got any tips for me?

 

This entry was posted in 50 years old, divorce, finding happiness at 50, love and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to A Question For Men Who Are Dating After Divorce

  1. Great post! Hope someone is honest enough to answer

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Mischenko says:

    This is a very interesting question. Hope someone chimes in…

    Like

  3. Tick tick tick, nobody answering 😳 they must be out dating 😉 I was married for 27 years before I ended the marriage, we met at school. He was straight out dating, whilst I struggled to allow anyone into my space. It an individual thing but men usually want to get back on the horse quicker….. there is no right or wrong way…. just saying 😉

    Like

  4. Joshua Bagby says:

    I am in my Medicare years, so that’s probably not in your demographic, but for me friendship has always been the most important ingredient in a relationship once I found out that sex appeal is not a very great glue. I tend not to like “dating,” per se. I prefer making friends, and if more is going to happen, chemistry (relationship, not just sexual) will assure that it does. I’ve definitely had my share of loneliness, but learning how to deal with that by creating an interesting life worked best to combat it. Writing, photography, afterlife research, and staying curious all helped me enjoy life. The whole idea of “finding love” depresses me whereas creating a happy life without worrying about partnership is a positive challenge.

    Liked by 3 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Joshua, thank you for sharing! I agree with the friendship idea first. That’s my speed! I really like your creating a happy life first and allowing what will come to come! Great minds think alike! You have a lovely blog and I appreciate your taking time to write here too! Have a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I have never really thought of it as a gender-based thing. Some freshly divorced people, for example, seem to materialize a full-blown relationship soon after divorce but how many of those relationships started before the divorce? More than a few, I’d wager. Also, I think that circumstances of the divorce might influence how motivated somebody is to go out an meet new people post-divorce. I know quite a few women as well as men who have gone through an almost obligatory “sowing wild oats” phase post-divorce. It’s not for nothing that common wisdom holds that rebound relationships are purely shallow. They are – and for some people in that time and place, that’s all they need. I know women as well as men who have been burned by being on the wrong end of a rebound relationship. To answer your specific question re: how I met women post-divorce it was simple. Motivation – that’s it. I won’t go into the circumstances of my divorce but suffice it to say that when we finally separated I was ready to get out there. I did try online dating, yes, and while it did work ( I met 2 great women who remain friends to this day) it was shotgun approach, lots of of work and ultimately involved too much time on a keyboard. Basically I got out there more, started pursuing my interests (sports, cooking, etc) actively because I was passionate about them, not because I thought they’d be great ways to meet women. Turns out it was good way to meet women anyway ;-). Also, as a life-long introvert I resolved to be more outgoing and not fear rejection (which is inevitable in the dating arena, especially for men). So I forced myself to be more outgoing with everyone which was difficult a first. I met women via friends, at parties, on vacation, the gym and even, yes, a few times at bars or clubs. Virtually anywhere BUT work (with age comes at least a little wisdom). Finally, the classic post-divorce hook up – exes (i.e. ex-GFs who are not in relationship). Facebook has probably caused millions of these re-friends with benefits. Most people eventually

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you for taking the time to answer my question! I appreciate your honesty and your sharing of your own experiences. While I don’t feel ready for online dating as such, I am trying to be more outgoing myself and funny, I have had prior boyfriends reach out in a friendly manner which has helped my confidence. It reminded me of who I once was and had lost for a period of time through the marriage and divorce. You sound like a lovely man who understands and I appreciate your sharing your wisdom. I think your comment got cut off though mid sentence at the end. I’d love to hear whatever else you have to say. I hope you’ve found love again. I wish you all the best! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

      Like

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