I think some of us have EX’s who believe their own lies. How do you handle it when the kids come home with Daddy said blah blah blah and you know damn well that none of it is true? Or that maybe parts are true, but that the whole picture isn’t what he’s saying? Dig a little deeper kids, I want to say. He’s not telling the whole truth here, but then he hasn’t done that for a long time and you’re not the only one he lies to – get in line because there are family, friends and most importantly, himself ahead of you.
But I hold back because it’s not for me to say and even if I did, I’m sure that I would be labeled as the bitchy ex-wife who’s mad that he left her. That’s not true either, but anyone in his camp would be crying Foul!, especially his mama because she’d mistakenly believe that I’m trying to turn the kids against him. Heck lady, I wish I could tell her, he’s doing a great job of it on his own without any input from me!
But I digress….
I’ve done nothing except to quietly listen as he spins his web of lies. Sure, I’ve told his family that he lies and have even given examples. I’ve let his mama tell me things and patiently waited until I could simply say, I’m sure that’s what he’s said to you, but the facts speak differently and I have the paperwork to prove it. To which she remained mute because she knew I had nothing to lose by telling her. I could see how she was trying to process the situation and didn’t know what to do with the new information. I’m sure she went running to her son to see if she could ask him again to see if he gave the same lie. Most likely, she told him what I said and then he denied what I said and stuck with the lie. So she would have no choice but to straddle the decision whether to believe the ex-daughter–in-law or believe the child of her loins. You know what happened, right? She chose him and made up an excuse in her head as to why she should believe him.
Which is fine, except that one day, I hope she will see that he lies about everything – even small stuff that means nothing. Perhaps it’s the narcissist in him? Read enough about narcissists and you read how they project what they want you to see. In his case, it’s a successful, fit divorced father who has tons of money. I wonder how many of his colleagues or his new girlfriend would like to hear how he’s an absent father and in arrears for child support and alimony? Or that he was overextended on his credit cards? Or that collections was calling my house because that was the last phone number he had on record? Or that he’s had cosmetic work done?
I doubt they would see him the same way again. His cover would be blown. I wait patiently (ok sometimes impatiently) for the real truth according to the facts to be revealed. It will one day. Just like it did for me.
He justified every lie, even when the facts I had in my hand told a different story – the truth! I fell for his lies, hook, line and sinker for years until I couldn’t deny it and realized that he told a version of his truth which happened to be a few generations away from the whole real truth. But in loving the man, I believed him. I guess that’s where his mama is and I don’t blame her. But after finding so many lies, I now know that if I take everything he says, divide it in 1/2, then again and perhaps even one more time, I’ll find a grain of truth upon which he’s built the whopper story that he’s just told. The scariest piece of it all though is that he believes the lies he tells and you fall for wanting to believe him too.
I feel sorry for him. I’m also fed up with it. My frustration levels with him are high these days. I just keep telling myself that what goes up, must come down. Rest assuredly, karma will do its job for me so I am allowing it to continue because I believe that the time will come when his lies will be revealed. But my patience is wearing thin. And he’s beginning to ease into lying about me for which I will not stand.
What did you do when your EX told lies all the time? Did yours believe his own?