Do I Ask To Treat Him To Coffee?


I had an interesting conversation with someone the other day on the phone.  It was a friend of a friend who, because of his career, was able to answer some pertinent questions for me.

We only talked for about an hour, but in that time, he answered my questions honestly and put me at ease about my decisions in regards to my kids.  Then we shared a little bit about our own lives and it was wonderful.

You know why?  Because it gave me back the faith that there are men out there who are divorced and who seem to treat their ex-wives with kindness, who don’t bad-mouth their baby mamas and who choose to give back to the community and to others who are less fortunate in order to bring them opportunities that they might not have had to chance to experience.  That’s what this guy does.

WOW!!!  Eye-opener!  It gave me such a smile when I got off the phone with him!

It was the first time in such a long time that I laughed and enjoyed the camaraderie of divorce with a man.  I don’t know his age (looks younger than me) and who knows if the charming man who talked with me on the phone was really him or if it was just a guy being a guy.  I’m sorry, did I say that?  I’m so used or being an open book, however I’m not too naive to think that others can play one, but aren’t really in person.  I mean no disrespect to him or to men in general, but after the fiasco of the lies during the marriage/divorce, I’m wary.

Yes, girls.  I looked him up and he’s a handsome man!  My friends keep telling me that I should invite him out for coffee to thank him for his help and advice, but that’s so out of my comfort zone.  Perhaps I’m mistaken, but I have believed that men like to be the hunters and initiate.  Ok, I know, it’s not a date.  It’s not.  It would simply be me thanking him for his time.  But he’s cute so I’m nervous.

Of course, my friends are saying that even if he were an old man, I would have wanted to have done something nice for him for taking the time to talk with me.  That’s true.  But asking to treat him to a cup of coffee seems date-like.

Suggestions?  Advice?  Want to share your experiences?  PLEASE????




This entry was posted in 50 years old, divorce, finding happiness at 50 and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Do I Ask To Treat Him To Coffee?

  1. Andrea says:

    I’d say go for it! If he says no, you don’t have to see him again


  2. TJ Fox says:

    I recently watched a video of a guy giving a speech to a room full of women about men and how they really think and feel. The gist of it was that a huge percentage of men are just as insecure and uncomfortable approaching women as women are of approaching men, that most of the ones that are the really forward ones that come up to you in a bar and start talking are the ones that have no problem doing that for every single woman they meet and are usually the egocentrics that feel they have the right. Now, I don’t know the truth of that, but it did make me think that he had a point. The kind of man that you want to spend time with may not be that forward, aggressive pursuer type. I know that under most circumstances, my Hubby is not that type. If we’d met in person rather than online, I doubt either one of us would have taken the steps to ever speak.

    That said, always go with your gut. The worst that can happen when you ask is that they guy says no and you move on. Either way, just asking, if that is what feels right, can do a number on how you feel about and perceive yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with offering if that is what you want. He may say no. He may agree and nothing happens beyond that one time. It may be that you find you have made yourself a new great friend or even opened the door for something more. Or you don’t. Do what is right for you, either way.


    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks TJ! I think I saw that same video. Was it a guy named Matthew Hussey or something like that? I can’t remember his last name, but he was really good and the same message was what I saw.
      I’m old-fashioned so unless I need to reach out again, I think I’m going to stay put. I thanked him via text b/c he texted me as well, but I’m not confident enough to handle a rejection even if it weren’t of me necessarily. Know what I mean? I will let you know if anything happens and if I do contact him again. Thanks for everything!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. BeowulfSabrina says:

    Here’s my comment for what it’s worth, the cost of a cup of coffee haha. But NO. Do not pay for anything. If someone values you and your time, they will make time for you in every way. You could at some point in time reciprocate with baking choc cookies, brownies, whatever, but let him court you. Like I said, my 2 cents.


    • janieleeds says:

      Oh I like that idea! Thanks Sabrina! I think I’m going to sleep on it and I’ll let you know if I decide to do anything. It’s not even like he was expecting anything from me. He was just being nice and giving me advice for which I was grateful. 🙂


  4. roseelaineblog says:

    Personally I would follow your gut instinct. If something feels uncomfortable inside then it’s the wrong thing to do. Beware the fantasy trap, I’ve been there and done it. 😉


    • janieleeds says:

      Elaine, my gut is to not do it. At least not now. So thank you! And yes, that fantasy trap is a possibility which is why I think my gut says, nope!

      Liked by 1 person

      • roseelaineblog says:

        I’m so pleased Janie, I made a lot of mistakes after my split which caused me a lot of damage, maybe they were my lessons to learn 🤷🏼‍♀️ but I wish I had listened to my gut. The problem I found that when we get older and in the divorced realm there are lots of damaged people carrying huge amounts of baggage. In and amongst those there are some gems like you. Don’t settle for less than someone who will give you all you deserve ❤️


      • janieleeds says:

        Thank you Elaine. I really appreciate your sage advice and experience. Passing along what you know for sure really helps and I appreciate it. I’m sorry you had lessons to learn, but don’t we all? We do our best and with hindsight, we learn along the way as well. I’m just going to keep going with the flow to see what happens. I’ll keep you in the loop! Thanks dear friend!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I don’t have expertise at exactly this, but ask him for coffee! You’re really doing it out of kindness, and you wouldn’t have a problem if it were a woman,……..what’s the worst thing that happens?


  6. MoJo says:

    It seems only polite to return his kindness with a kind gesture of your own. Buy him a cup of coffee. And maybe, wear a wonderbra, too. 😉


  7. Mischenko says:

    This is so hard, but of course I’m like Go Go Go! I would be just like you though, totally unsure. I think it’s a kind gesture regardless, so why not? ❤ Hugs and hope it goes well!


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