Calling You Out

callingyouout

Dear EX,

I’m getting close to calling you out.  My frustration levels are increasing with your silent treatment.  You claim to put the kids first, but it is you whom you put first as the kids have told me that you don’t answer their texts once you’ve made your obligatory weekly hey, hope all is well, love ya, text to them.  I’m used to your non-answering ways.  But really, I have to ask.  How pathetically disconnected are you?

You’re missing out Mister.  You’re missing out on kids who are great and who really want to love you.  But then, you had an entire family who loved you and you walked away, never looking back.  How the hell do you do it?

I’ve become Mom and Dad here.  I am HOME to our kids.  You are like the occasional greeter at Walmart in their lives.  They see you every so often, but don’t really miss when they don’t see you.

Do you know what’s tearing me up?  They want to have a relationship with you.  But with every disappointment, they pull away a bit more from that desire because they get little back from you.  Their hearts hurt and there’s not a damn thing I can do to heal them, except to stick to the facts and not bad-mouth you.  I allow them to talk and I nestle them into my arms when they’re sad.  I kiss away the tears that occasionally flow.  In my head I want to curse you to hell.  But my heart, that tiny essence of kindness I still hold for you, won’t let me because it would hurt the kids.  And I believe that you need them as much as they need you.

It’s too bad that you’ve become blinded to truth, to feelings and to peace.  Your superficial rich carefree guy image is only a farce and we both know that I know the truth.  Scratch the surface of your golden guy image and people will see that you are simply a dead rock on which you’ve painted a sparkly gold thin layer which hides your low self-esteem, your living a lie and your grief.

I forgave you of all that occurred.  I washed my hands of your dirt.  But I hold umbrage to your unfeeling treatment of the kids and your lack of financial responsibility.  You know me well.  I am a tigress for my kids and you will pay what they are owed financially.  I can’t make you the loving father I once believed you were, but I can make their lives better in your absence.

Be free to live the fake carefree life that you portray.  We know the truth.  Someday your mask will slip and all will be revealed.

Sayonara,

Your Ex Wife

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21 Responses to Calling You Out

  1. TJ Fox says:

    Having to deal with an irresponsible, selfish ex that you share children with is one of the worst things. My wish for you is that your kids can see both your actions and his without the rose colored glasses so many kids tend to wear with regards to their parents. I believe in the long run, that the kids that are capable of doing so end up the most well adjusted emotionally. It is horrible to watch your children hurt and know there isn’t a damn thing you can do other than be there for them when they need you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks TJ for getting it. I don’t mean to throw him under the bus, but for goodness sakes. Be kind to their hurting hearts. The kids see us each for who we are and what we do. I’m home and that’s what counts xo

      Liked by 1 person

      • TJ Fox says:

        I’ve always know kids, at any age are really smart and pick up stuff (ever heard a three year old drop a 4 letter word when you least expect it?), but I never realized the extent of what they pick up and genuinely understand until this last year. Sad thing for your ex, he probably thinks the kids buy whatever BS he is selling, but he is dead wrong.

        I also get that you aren’t hoping your kids think he is a jerk, but you want them to see reality and understand it before it comes and puts their hearts through an emotional hurricane.

        Liked by 1 person

      • janieleeds says:

        Exactly TJ! Cheers for understanding! Thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. BeowulfSabrina says:

    You are a fierce mama bear. These are not MEN, these are emotionally stunted Peter Pan lost boys, perpetually stroking their own empty shame based soul-less beings. An alien being indeed, my friend. What the heck happened to conscience and integrity and grit?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Once again Janie, this resonates hard with me. I really really don’t get how my ex can go on from week to week without being a part of the kids lives, without knowing about the big things and the little things that are going on for them. He was a great father when he was with us… I just have no clue what’s happened. Selfish, self-centred, hooked on self-gratification… It hurts so much to see him put his *new life* before his kids 😦
    I have no answer and no advice, but I’m thinking of you xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      I’m thinking of you too. I’m sad that they choose to miss out, especially when they were good dads. Who knows what happens to them, but whatever it is, I hope they can heal and figure it out before they lose it all. Sending you big hugs xo I understand xo

      Like

  4. Good post! You are strong and capable! Your kids are lucky to have a strong mom!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. bone&silver says:

    I think sometimes that only way men can deal with the pain of leaving their kids is to just block it out completely, and focus their attention elsewhere. Deep down, they’re empty. But they’re as scared as hell to show or admit it. Their loss indeed, yet it affects everyone… 🙁
    You’re doing really well not to bad mouth him to your kids; be proud of that; you are being a good role model 🙏🏼

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you. I’m really trying to be good about reminding them of the good of their dad because it’s important. I feel for him because he’s missing out. But that’s his choice. I just wish I could sit him down to show him what I see.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is a hard one, you know I mentioned blood is thicker than water! My children came to the hard reality of what their dad is like through the pain he put them through, they still love him even though he hurts them often with his selfish ways.

    Like

  7. Mischenko says:

    Janie, that just about teared me up. You are so strong though and putting the kids first is the best thing that you can do in my opinion. I’m sorry that it’s affecting the kids and you’re so right-he’s losing out on so much! They’re lucky to have you and you’re a caring mom. Sending hugs to all of you. ❤

    Like

  8. MoJo says:

    Again, I would like to be on the call for this one just so I can say “woo hoo!!” in the background. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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