I became Janie when he left. Resurrecting the woman I once was before marriage, before children, before losing myself in him. The woman who stood strong and firm. The one who didn’t scurry behind him, worrying that I wasn’t making everything as he wanted it to be. The subservient partner who catered to the breadwinner and left her own needs and wants out of sight. The woman who bowed to his family, ever trying to please them, allowing herself to be controlled by lies.
Jane: the woman who let herself fall into a pattern of being tame.
Janie is who I truly am.
Vulnerable, kind, loving, caring and happily healed. I wear my heart on my sleeve for those who deserve my loyalty because we care. I know I am a good person who takes the high road most times and I happily release Jane who desperately tried to please at all times even when she was wounded. Janie loves life, loves animals, loves her kids and loves family and friends.
Most of all, Janie loves herself now.
Big difference from Jane. Janie smiles at passerby with true mirth in her eyes. She finds joy wherever she goes and isn’t afraid to laugh out-loud, to connect with people or to spontaneously hug someone. She’s an open book, knowing pain, but using her experiences to help others.
Janie’s a good girl at heart and so was Jane. That piece of me I cannot change for it is innate. I love with all of my heart and I don’t give up on people. I am ever hopeful that others will see the bigger picture and change their thinking, but it matters not to me anymore. Gone is the Jane who desperately tried to make her Ex see her or the kids.
Janie is happily healed, does her own thing and awaits the time that will come when she can share her life again. In the meantime, Janie is happily home and mom to her kids. All will unfold as it should.
I am Janie now.
Holding my head up, smiling from ear to ear and loving this little life of mine.