Plans Change

planschange

Plans change,

so take comfort in knowing

that life is full of change.

– Janie Leeds

Do you ever wake up and wonder how did I get here?  Do you ever think, this isn’t where I planned to be?  Well, pull up a chair along side me because what you’re thinking is what a lot of us have thought too!

My life hasn’t gone as planned and kudos to you if yours has!  I would love to know how many people’s lives have gone along as planned because lately, I’m finding many of us who are asking –

How the hell did I get here?

Take comfort in knowing life is full of change?  Did I really say that?  Have I lost my mind?  Who likes change when we’re comfy with what’s here right now?  And even if we’re not comfy, there’s a comfort in knowing that it’s not great, but it’s what we know.  I believed that the unknown is just that scary place that nobody wants to enter except daredevils and those with a death wish, because otherwise they’d play it safe.

For me, change seems like the only thing that’s to be counted on in life.  So many times I have not enjoyed the peace and tranquility to its fullest extent before a rash of changes uprooted me and tore me into a tailspin, leaving me broken and bleeding from the heart with emotion.  I’m not looking for pity either because we all have our stories, our pains and our hurts.  I’m just saying that I think our lives are like the sea.

Stormy weather comes and shakes us up and then we get the calm for a bit.  Sometimes there’s that proverbial calm before the storm where we have little clue as to the hurricane that’s coming to make us either give up and cry uncle or swim like our lives depend on it.

I look back on my life and then look to the future and it doesn’t scare me half as much as it should.  Maybe because I’ve almost drowned a few times (not really, but you know what I mean) that whatever happens, I know I’ll face it and get on with life or not.  I’m not suicidal by any means because I can’t ever leave my kids, ever.  But the threat of illness or anything else catastrophic that could happen to me, I know I’ll just have to deal with it.  As long as it hasn’t anything to do with my kids.  That’s where the tiger mom in me lets her stubborn fighter out and nobody will get in my way. LOL  I bet you’re like that too if you’re a parent.

I think we fear change because the unknown is a scary place.  I know that for me, I never wanted a divorce because even though it wasn’t great, it was what I knew.  And even though now that I’m divorced (and note – I divorced him), I’m still flummoxed as to where to go from here.  Is that where you have been before too?

It’s like a holding pattern, waiting for that next tsunami because you know it’s coming, instead of riding the easy waves of peace for awhile and enjoying the calm.  I have hopes for a new chapter and it’s here, but it’s not opening the way I would like.  But honestly, I don’t know what I want.

 

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8 Responses to Plans Change

  1. TJ Fox says:

    It took me way too long to admit that my first marriage wasn’t right and to do something about it. For me, a huge portion of that avoidance was about not wanting to be alone and having to raise my son by myself. It was terrifying and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

    Change requires so much letting go. Letting go of the known. Letting go of the comfort. Letting go of the idea of where we are at or what it means to be there. Letting go is so often associated with failure as well.

    There has been an enormous amount of change in my life over the last year. It has felt like being on a never ending roller coaster ride of twists and turns and vomit inducing loops. Now that I’m here in this place all of those changes has landed me, even with the upheaval, I’m so happy to be here. I’d do it all again if I landed in this same spot. I know I won’t be in this spot forever, but for now, this place is wonderful. If the last year has taught me anything, it is to find more of those moments where I stop, even for a second, and appreciate the place I’m at.

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      TJ, you inspire me with your comment. Thank you soooo much! You are right that appreciation is key to understanding all that we go through to get to where we are in the present place. Please accept my big hugs for your understanding and sharing your experiences with me so that I can grow and find peace. I really appreciate our friendship and connection.

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. I never thought my life would be like it is now. Never. But, change does happen. We have to adapt. And we need to try to make the most of what’s in front of us right now….no matter what…..and even though life us not what I expected, it has its moments

    Like

  4. MoJo says:

    Ironically I think that I often find myself thinking “how the hell do I get out of here” more than anything. I don’t mean that I want to leave my family. I think that I just feel trapped in the day to day madness of all that we have to do whether we want to or not. I have certainly found myself on the other side of that coin as well. Even though it doesn’t always feel as such, I do believe that we are both exactly where we are supposed to be. ❤️

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      I know we are, but sometimes it’s a tough spot and I’d like a ‘do-over’ or better yet, here’s a winning lottery ticket, a handsome, kind, loving man and a bit of champagne and chocolates! A girl can dream, can’t she?

      Like

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