Gratitude For A Tearful Lesson

gratitudeforatearfullesson

I knew my dearest blogging friends would be able to come through to help me with advice and you did!  Thank you!  I am truly grateful.  One of your comments though, hit a nerve and tears sprouted from my eyes after reading the line below:

You cannot give anyone else the ability to control your feelings

if they do not care about your feelings.

~ PaliMadra

That line, unto itself, hit me and I began to cry.  Not because I was mad or sad by what was written.  No.  It was because it went to the core of the truth in my heart.  It was like a wake up call which I wasn’t expecting, but honestly, needed badly and PaliMadra, I want to thank you for zeroing in on it.

As much as I act all zen or maybe even bratty and sometimes even sad about the whole divorce thing, I guess I am all of those feelings and more.  Today’s a rough day for other reasons, but I think it’s healing that I’m crying as I type this post.  A clearing  out of the muck so I can make more room to receive love and kindness.  Do you know what I mean?

Just an FYI, he never responded to me.  He finally texted the kid to say hope you had a good weekend, that he heard that he had scraped up his car and that now he’s off traveling to _____ place which is a lovely beach destination.  What I know is that he’s taking his girlfriend away to that place and it upsets me for a number of reasons, least of all being that I wanted to go there, but now I wouldn’t want to go with him, he’s in arrears for child support, but he can spend money on her and I am feeling yucky that he has replaced me so thoroughly.

But this is all a part of healing through a divorce, isn’t it?  Just when I think I’m centered again, I fall apart.  I think it’s another clearing of the space that I held for him.  A letting go of what was and what is not now.  It may be the rainy weather today too that has something to do with the copious tears I’m shedding.  At least I’m doing it quietly so that my kids don’t hear me.  It’s not a burden I would want them to hold nor experience today.  So I’m just writing here and I hope you don’t mind.

Thanks for reading.  I appreciate all of you.

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22 Responses to Gratitude For A Tearful Lesson

  1. BeowulfSabrina says:

    Wow, this just hit home for me too. My therapist said to me, “he just doesn’t care” and I had to repeat it like a dozen times and it seemed so harsh at first but that’s the bottom line, isn’t it? We cared SO SO much, we cared enough for both of us, and it made it more difficult to see that we were doing ALL of the caring and they were empty vessels just sucking the effing life out of us while we cared until we were discarded. A bad day here too, sometimes all that work we have been doing on ourselves to lift us toward the light becomes so heavy to bear alone.

    Liked by 3 people

    • janieleeds says:

      That’s why we bond Sabrina and help each other over the mountains when it gets hard. I wish caring was easier to turn off. It’s not that I care about him, but about how the children are dealing with him. I want to not care anymore. That’s why I wrote the I release you post, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. Big hugs, big healing hugs to you. xo

      Like

  2. TJ Fox says:

    It always pissed me off when the ex was behind on child support, but I still did everything I could to try to not make it an issue. I even went and had the amount reduced in an effort to keep him in OC’s life and then later forgave months (nearly a year) of back support to get him to sign away his rights so Hubby could adopt. It is horrible to see how little your child’s other parent cares for their own kid. Especially when you cannot see how it is possible for anyone to NOT love them as much as you do. My advice? Seriously, don’t give him any wiggle room. Force his wages to be garnished. The ones being hurt here are the kids and the ex just continues to reap whatever he wants out of the situation without consequences. It isn’t vindictive to force him to abide by his agreement.

    As far as taking the new woman on a trip? That is so on him and shows his character and what an utter weasel he is. It hurts because it seems to show how little he cared about you and it is easy to go the “what is wrong with me” route to try and figure out why, but it isn’t you. There isn’t a single thing wrong with you. You did nothing wrong. He did. Keep track of things like this if you do decide to really fight him on support because it is proof he has the money, he just isn’t willing to provide for his kids.

    Grrrr! Can I give him a virtual kick in the butt?! Please?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • bone&silver says:

      Great comment TJ, I agree completely 👍🏼💪🏼

      Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks TJ! I actually went to court and got his wages garnished for the arrears, even though it will take years for him to payback what he owes, at least I’ll get the funds.
      I know, I was wallowing in that ‘what’s wrong with me’ thought process. Had to extricate myself from that vile thinking because it’s him who disconnects. Thanks for the offer…virtual yes indeed! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Create Space says:

    Thinking of you Janie, keep writing and be kind to yourself everyday but even more so on the difficult days! You are stronger than you think! X

    Like

  4. Indeed, best words ever, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to take on the pain and sorrow that truthfully belongs to another. Tears are healing I found. With each drop, a piece of sorrow, a piece of the pain, a piece of the old, drops away (even if it is a river) allowing for peace harmony and centeredness (is there such a word?) replaces those feelings allowing you to become whole complete and who you were meant to be. You are indeed strong, most likely stronger than you ever thought possible, and that strength will impel you forward prepared. It may not feel that way at the moment, but one day you’ll see it for what it is. Best wishes, always in the days ahead and beyond.

    Like

  5. MoJo says:

    Oh love. I’m so very sorry that you had such a rough weekend. That you had such a rough everything. You shouldn’t have to fight so hard just to have him do the right thing. You deserve much much better than what he has to give. I’m thankful that you are able to see the kind of man he is because I think that it will allow you to set free all that he shackled in your heart, and next time, you will know what you want and, more importantly, what you need. It will get better darling. And in the meantime, I’ll just fantasize about the two of them getting stung by fierce jellyfish in the goods as they frolic in the waves. 👾 Love to you my sweet friend. Jo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. bone&silver says:

    He sounds like a wounded animal, and as we all know, it’s best to stay away from them as they lash out. I’m sorry to hear you’re having a hard time; exs can be complete dicks!

    Like

  7. Great read. I love the advice that was given to you by PaliMadra, so simple and so on point.

    Like

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