Let It Go

This is such a good song to sing in the car with the windows down, the breeze flowing through my hair and singing at the top of my lungs while driving down the highway so nobody really notices that I’m probably singing off key! LOL

After a really long heart to heart talk with my bestie the other night, who is also divorced, I had to take a long hard look at how I was holding onto wanting the EX to be involved with the kids.  What my bestie gave me was the cold, hard truth and I had to really take that sour medicine and swallow it.  It didn’t taste good going down for sure.  But the healing that’s begun after a few days has felt really good.  Finally, she got through to me and I’m grateful.

Because she kept telling me to let it go, to allow the kids to have their own relationship, whatever that may be, with their dad and for me to not interfere or try to make it easier or better for them.  I have written often about my frustration and it was gobbling me up inside because I couldn’t make things better.  I couldn’t get him to care as I wanted him to or to respond to them in a timely fashion or to be who they wanted him to be or quite frankly, who I wanted him to be with them.  And it’s honestly none of my business now.  I need to concentrate on my relationship with my kids only.  His relationship is his business, not mine and who am I to think that I should continue to be the fixer in his life?  I just need to allow them to make their own way together and leave it alone.  It’s hard when you see your kids upset because he hasn’t responded.  But I don’t think I was helping the situation by trying to fix it.  I think I was only getting it messier and that wasn’t my intent at all.

I get it it that he’s not going to to respond to me.  We’re divorced.  Ok.  But to disconnect so  frequently with his kids?  It’s been bothering me obviously.  But it’s over.

I’m letting go!  Or at least I’m trying really, really hard.  Let’s see how this phase goes.  I’ll be there to pick up the pieces of their hearts if need be and to help them heal.  In the meantime, you can find me driving with the windows down singing….

 

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20 Responses to Let It Go

  1. Mischenko says:

    It sounds like excellent advice, but so hard to take in! I can almost feel your emotion. The sad thing is that there’s nothing you can really do, and what I mean by that is he’s going to be what he’s going to be. That probably sounds so cliche, but trying to make the other parent be what you want is impossible and it’ll just stress you out. ❤ Many hugs, Janie. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yay, you are finding the way forward, you have a good friend . It is hard but you can do it. Let it go, let it go 🎶🎶🎶 ❣️

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  3. Create Space says:

    Realising that some things are outside our control and accepting it as so is an amazing place to have reached! Be proud and keep moving forward! You are blessed to have the love of a wise and supportive friend. I’m delighted to hear your new resolve Janie! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. gwennym says:

    It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you can’t fix what’s out of your control. You have a wise friend. Know that I’ve had to swallow the same type of pill for other issues out of my control. ((hugs)), you’re doing great!

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  5. good post! Good for you! Glad you have an amazing friend in your corner

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  6. TJ Fox says:

    It is along the same lines of tying to make him be the husband you wanted, but the difference in that and why it was easier to see the futility of that is because that was for you. It is easier to accept and move along when you are the one impacted. Wanting to cram him into the role of the type of father you wanted him to be was for you kids.

    As parents, we do everything we possibly can to give our kids a good life with a solid foundation. We have certain notions and beliefs as to how that should be done and when things don’t follow those notions and beliefs we really struggle with letting those things go, even more so when we see the other parent not giving as much or in the same way we do because we can’t imagine any possible way to do it differently.

    Seriously, how can anyone not want to give their kids every single good thing they can? But that is about trying to impose your notions and beliefs, priorities and principals on another person. In so many other situations, we wouldn’t do that, but it is so different when it is for the kids. It is so incredibly mind bending to let go of those things. That has been my life for the last year and a half. Both with family and with OC. For me, it has been about recognizing what I can and should try to control and what I can’t and accepting those differences. I don’t like most of it, kinda hate a lot of it, but when it is all said and done, I know it is right and I’m happy with where I’ve stood in all the chaos.

    It takes a kind of strength that you have to dig deeper than you think your strength reservoir went to get to, but it is there and once you find it it is a bit easier to breathe. So, keep breathing and being there with soft, open arms when your kids need you. That is really all we can do as parents.

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  7. I agree with previous posters. It’s so hard to see your kids suffer because of their loser dad. I feel for you but I think letting go is good advice. You can make it up to your kids by being the strong and decent person that they need – it’s his failing and his relationship with them will suffer. Thanks for sharing

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you for stopping by and for your support. It’s sad because he was a very involved dad for years. But he’s changed so we are changing with the new person who has emerged. I just want the kids to have peace (and me too!).

      Like

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