Sometimes Divorce Feels Like An Unending Hell Week

hellweek

So my kid is pledging a fraternity and this week is the infamous hell week.  I check in everyday with him via texting and sometimes phone calls just to make sure that he’s ok.  With the Penn State horror of last year, I worry.  How can I not?  That poor family trusted that their son would be fine and he died horribly during pledging.  My heart just can’t grasp how one gets over that grief.  I can’t even begin to go there in my mind and I pray daily that I will never experience that situation.  I send piles of love to that family all the time, especially now when my own kid is dealing with hell week.

I liken divorce to hell week, even though it’s not the same and the time it takes from separation to divorce and beyond takes way longer than a week.  If you’ve experienced a divorce, I’m sure you know and you have stories to tell about what you dealt with as your marriage crumbled, divorce ensued and then the fallout from the divorce continued on into your new chapter on the road of reality.

While some divorces may go smoothly, others do not.  There’s a rearrangement in all facets of our lives when we go through a divorce.  Our worlds are turned upside down and it takes time to regain our centeredness.  At least that’s been the way it has evolved for me.  Has it been the same for you?

I’ll be glad when hell week is over for my kid as even though there are bumps in my own reality now, the essential hell week is over for me too.  I’ve been picking up the pieces of my tattered life for awhile and the reality is that I’m grateful for the divorce now.  I can see the good that has come out of the divorce and even though I mourned that I no longer had a partner, I am the matriarch of a healthy, loving family of 3 which means more to me than life itself.

 

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17 Responses to Sometimes Divorce Feels Like An Unending Hell Week

  1. TJ Fox says:

    With some divorces, it is like letting free reign to the monster that lives within. I see these couples that still celebrate birthdays and holidays together and I just can’t even picture what that would be like. Intellectually, I understand how it happens, but it just can’t mesh with my experience so it kind of breaks my brain.

    Good luck to your son this week!

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you TJ! I know what you mean. I know of some divorced couples who still are able to maintain decorum and kindness and others who all out life in hate. Mine is just complete disconnection (by him) which is a quandary since it’s like being in no-man’s land.

      Liked by 1 person

    • L. Rorschach says:

      See, my ex and I still celebrate birthdays and holidays together… always have! 🙂 In fact, 3 years post-separation/divorce and we still do our annual tradition of baking birthday cakes for each other on each other’s birthday.

      I think I see my ex differently than most ex’s do. He’s part of my family… like a cousin, I suppose. Or a brother. And he is by far my biggest local source of support. Yesterday he went out, purchased, and delivered migraine relief medicine to me at home in bed. He is my only family in this city.

      I acknowledge we had an easy, atypical divorce. We went through our grieving while married, and the separation and divorce was just a technicality. The worst part of the separation & divorce was the financial devastation. It will take me a long time to recover, if ever.

      Liked by 2 people

      • janieleeds says:

        God bless you and your ex. That’s how I had hoped we would evolve, but it was not meant to be. I invited him and his family to share Christmas, holidays and even graduations but invites were never reciprocated by any of them so I stopped because I felt like a fool. I did it because the kids asked me to and I wanted them to be happy. But when he and his family refused to invite me even after the kids brought it up, I was done. Don’t get me started on birthdays because I made sure even when divorced that I continued to be kind, but mine is just a few days after his and nothing. For his 50th, I baked him his favorite cake and had the kids bring him dinner/present. For mine, he completely ignored it. I am so happy you have such a lovely relationship with your ex. I’m honestly envious as I had hoped for that myself, but you can’t make a relationship by yourself. It’s kinda like how the marriage was in the end so I shouldn’t be surprised.
        The financial devastation is real and horrible. I have that now as well which makes life really difficult in so many ways for the kids and me.
        Thanks for sharing your story with me. It makes me hopeful that there are still good ex relationships out there and not all ex’s act like mine does.
        I hope your migraine is better. Have a great weekend. I’m glad he’s a good ex to you. I like the cousin aspect. Would have been nice for me too….but not meant to be.

        Liked by 3 people

      • L. Rorschach says:

        I’m sorry it didn’t work out that way for you. I do consider myself very lucky. I know I haven’t had a typical divorce experience.

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      • janieleeds says:

        I am glad you shared your story because as I said before, it gives me hope. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. gwennym says:

    experiencing hell for a time makes the joy on the otherside that much sweeter.

    Like

  3. Have a lovely weekend 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Create Space says:

    Sounds like you tried your best to keep the lines of communication open Janie but I guess a time comes when you just have to pull back and refuse to be treated with such lack of respect, just to protect and love yourself. X

    Like

  5. I was young says:

    I’m 21 getting divorced… I’d love to get advice on my posts.

    Like

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