Married for 20+ years and now divorced is a change when you go out. Before, I was a social butterfly, always enjoying getting dressed up, going out with friends (and hubby) and entertaining. It was a lovely time in my life. I was saying YES to life, relationships and connections.
And then he left. We separated. I was ALONE and even though friends reached out, I was afraid of telling too much to them and afraid of going out (maybe that was an unfounded fear, but it’s how I felt at the time). My life had crumbled and I had to pick up the pieces and mourn. And I mourned alone for a very long time.
I was so used to going out with my husband (unless it was lunch with the girls) that it feels weird to be on my own. There’s a comfort in having your hubs there with you. Someone to talk with when the conversation lags, someone to drive with and to be with at the party and someone to come home with afterwards. We shared the night out which made it more fun.
Nowadays, it’s me driving to the party and me driving home alone. There’s nobody to see if I get home safely. I enter a home alone when he has the kids and that’s when I maybe think of going out. Which is rare, let me admit it. I feel like when I have the kids with me, then I need to be home. But that is slowly changing, little by little.
But now I’m branching out a little as the kids are older and can stay by themselves. They have their cars so they can go places so it’s not like I’m leaving babies at home. And they always know where I am. That is something I staunchly make sure of every time. And as impolite as it is to have your phone on the table when visiting with friends, mine is there in case they need me. I’m a mom first and foremost.
How about you? After divorce was it hard for you to go out alone? Or am I just being a big baby about it?