Our nest is small, but loving. We fit perfectly in it. Three of us are now the family unit. I am the matriarch of the family and there’s no patriarch here. Sure, the kids have a dad who I want them to love and I know they need to love and he needs to love them and both sides need to feel that love. But the distance widens with every passing year.
I stay out of their relationship for the most part. Occasionally when the kids open up, I am there to listen, to advise and to help them navigate the sometimes muddy waters of the relationship. They often tell me that I defend their dad, but I remember the man whom I fell in love with – the kind, sensitive person – and they remember him too. What they (and I) have a hard time with is the new persona who has emerged over the years.
Our nest is not like the one we had when I was married. That one was larger and dare I say, more opulent. But this one, even though smaller and thriftier, is more cozy in a way that the other nest was not. Here, it’s just us and I like it this way. Sure friends drop by, but there’s not that panic that someone will do a white glove test to make sure that it’s perfectly clean at all times. You may find a speck of dust here and there now that the pressure is off of me. But the warmth and love that is palpable is more precious to me than what I had in the past. Gone are the deluxe china dishes. In their place are solid, pretty dishes that I can put in the dishwasher without fear of chipping. What a delight!
I’ve come a long way from that girl who was married. I was always the girl who liked the simple things in life, but who enjoyed the frivolities as well. But I never needed them. They were just an added bonus. But they came with a high price and we paid that price in divorce.
People change and evolve. Life throws us curve balls and we just have to roll with the punches. At last, the kids and I are on our feet again. Standing tall and ready for the joy of the holiday season. I can’t wait to decorate the new nest in our own way. No more gaudy ornaments to clutter every surface. Simplicity and joyful trinkets will surround us. There’s something to be said for gratitude in the simple things in life. Freedom for me is finally here and I know it’s a precious commodity that I am ever grateful for! And finally, I’m loving it!