No More Clutching, I Let Go

I clutch the phone tightly in my hand as the anger flows and then ebbs.  What I want to write in response to the text would not put me on Santa’s good list, at all.  In fact, coal would probably be all I would receive if I wrote what I was tempted to write without censor.  But I’m me and the cooler-headed response will have to suffice.  After all, it is the holidays now and we have to play nicely.  So I’m biting my tongue.

But there’s a change in me that’s unfurling in that I don’t want my life to continue to be tied to expectations from others all the time.  I’m tired of toeing the line and scrambling to please others on their timelines without any care for mine.  I realized just how far apart I’ve grown from my brother and his family, especially since the separation and divorce.  The support was sporadic while my life was turned upside down and I realized that he’s only there for me when it suits him, when he can brag about it and when he feels superior to me.  I’m only good enough for him when he can brag about my poor divorced sister and put me down to elevate himself.

I’m glad the expected Thanksgiving get together is finished.  We won’t be repeating that again.  Although our kids are similar in ages, his kids fight a lot which mine don’t, so it’s unnerving to us all and he ignores it.  Honestly, I don’t know how they live like that, but to each his own.

Today the kids go to the Ex’s family’s celebration and I have the weekend free.  There’s been talk of the kids not wanting to spend the whole weekend at Ex’s parents’ house so things are up in the air until they decide.  I don’t care either way.  I’m staying out of it.

I hope you had a good Thanksgiving!  Can we start on Christmas now?  Or are you Black Friday shopping today?  I might online shop, but no way am I getting out in the fray of crazed shoppers!  Poor as I may be, it’s not worth it to me!  How about you?

♥