No More Clutching, I Let Go

nomoreclutching

I clutch the phone tightly in my hand as the anger flows and then ebbs.  What I want to write in response to the text would not put me on Santa’s good list, at all.  In fact, coal would probably be all I would receive if I wrote what I was tempted to write without censor.  But I’m me and the cooler-headed response will have to suffice.  After all, it is the holidays now and we have to play nicely.  So I’m biting my tongue.

But there’s a change in me that’s unfurling in that I don’t want my life to continue to be tied to expectations from others all the time.  I’m tired of toeing the line and scrambling to please others on their timelines without any care for mine.  I realized just how far apart I’ve grown from my brother and his family, especially since the separation and divorce.  The support was sporadic while my life was turned upside down and I realized that he’s only there for me when it suits him, when he can brag about it and when he feels superior to me.  I’m only good enough for him when he can brag about my poor divorced sister and put me down to elevate himself.

I’m glad the expected Thanksgiving get together is finished.  We won’t be repeating that again.  Although our kids are similar in ages, his kids fight a lot which mine don’t, so it’s unnerving to us all and he ignores it.  Honestly, I don’t know how they live like that, but to each his own.

Today the kids go to the Ex’s family’s celebration and I have the weekend free.  There’s been talk of the kids not wanting to spend the whole weekend at Ex’s parents’ house so things are up in the air until they decide.  I don’t care either way.  I’m staying out of it.

I hope you had a good Thanksgiving!  Can we start on Christmas now?  Or are you Black Friday shopping today?  I might online shop, but no way am I getting out in the fray of crazed shoppers!  Poor as I may be, it’s not worth it to me!  How about you?

 

 

 

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19 Responses to No More Clutching, I Let Go

  1. SDC says:

    I sort of stay quiet on Thanksgiving. I don’t care for it and don’t have any family here anyway. It always seems like a sad day to me in ways that Christmas never does…like we do it because we’re told we have to. But….I don’t often say these things because it’s only my opinion and typically indifference towards Thanksgiving is frowned on. Of course I’m just venting after a really awful few days emotionally but….just wanted to share that it’s not all as peachy a day as a lot of folks make it sound. So…I get it. But then again I moved onto Christmas November 1st, and people wonder why! Well…this is basically why. Thanksgiving seems to bring out the worst in a lot of families and I am always anxious to skip past it. ANYWAY YES! Lets move on lightly towards Christmas please!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. On to Christmas please!! I’m out of sorts today, but am watching silly tv, so I’m getting better!!

    Like

  3. bone&silver says:

    Maybe I’m being the grumpy Australian Grinch here, but I like neither celebration (well, we don’t do Thanksgiving here- YET). There’s so much pressure to be ‘loving’, and perfectly connected etc etc, when many families are just too dysfunctional to be healthy; it becomes an alcohol-fuelled food binge, with egos competing for space around the table, as more sensitive souls struggle to be heard… ugh, sorry, don’t want to be a downer! I just ignore the whole thing- my son goes to his Dad’s who does the whole big family get together, which is fabulous for him and them. I just chill out with other ‘orphan’ friends : )

    Liked by 1 person

  4. TJ Fox says:

    Wow, can I ever understand the whole not being enough thing from family. This is the main reason why I had to step away from all of mine with my younger brother hanging by a tiny little thread. I’m beyond done giving and giving and giving, being the only one to ever compromise or not having the things going on in my life or are important to me matter to anyone besides Hubby and me. It is beyond draining. There is only so much you can give before you hit the bottom of your well. It is sad in a way, but we are all (Hubby, Kids and I) so much happier for it. Especially through the holidays.

    Today was supposed to be decorating, but became finishing a project so I CAN decorate. That is what the rest of my weened will be and once everything is done, we all sit and enjoy how pretty and festive the house looks while looking next door and trying to figure out what the Griswolds added new this year. Kinda hard to tell since there is so much stuff in the yard you can’t see the grass, but it is always entertaining to try.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Being happy and feeling loved is key TJ! Glad you found your centeredness again. It’s hard to deal with other people when they’re not playing nicely.
      I hope you have fun decorating! Can’t wait to hear about the Griswolds decorations! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. L. Rorschach says:

    Ugh, I’m sorry your Thanksgiving didn’t go very well.

    I refuse to shop on Black Friday. The deals can’t be *that* good, after all! I do all my shopping online anyway, though. Crowded stores give me anxiety.

    Like

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