After the uncomfortable dinner at my brother’s house for Thanksgiving, I’m not returning for Christmas. Although I haven’t told my kids yet, nor my brother and his family, I’m not reliving another holiday there. I know it’s going to cause major upset and put them into a tailspin. It’s a bold move for me. It may even be the start of an ending of a relationship, but frankly the relationship hasn’t been good for a long time.
My friend Coco and I were talking about it the other night. I was telling her how I am afraid to make the announcement that I’m staying home with my kids on Christmas Day and not going to my brother’s house again. My kids don’t want to do it either as they were tired of the fighting of their cousins and the non-family atmosphere that pervades his home.
Because my kids are like me. They don’t like fighting. They don’t like people who talk meanly to one another. They know that family is unconditional love and support. Sure, we can get annoyed with each other at our house, but we talk it through until everyone has heard everyone else’s side and then we calmly come to a compromise on whatever we are discussing. By family, I mean the 3 of us. My kids are now seeing how my Ex and his family and my family are dysfunctional We are all seeing people for who they really are and unmasking the dysfunction. Although we really haven’t discussed the word narcissist, the knowledge that they have been gaining is real. Just like me, their eyes are being opened and at times, it’s not a pretty sight. I know nobody’s perfect and I’m the first to admit that I’m not. But the desire for peace and love is real in our lives and we only want to be surrounded by just that – peace and love.
But because we are a family, my brother won’t understand that I am choosing to stay home with my kids instead of being with him and his family on a holiday. He will make it into a big deal of how I’m not acting like family. But at this point, at 50 years old and being that this is my first divorced Christmas, I want to just be with my kids. If my brother and his family want to stop by to exchange gifts, that’s fine. But I want to just enjoy my kids that day. A lazy day in our pjs with a good meal together. Maybe we will play games or watch Christmas movies. Maybe their friends will stop over to say hello. Maybe mine will. Maybe I’ll have an informal open house (of course that means I have to shower and get out of my pjs lol) but I want to mix it up this year. Maybe I’ll have another friend’s family over because they are sometimes alone on holidays. Maybe I will just enjoy the sanctity of Christmas for once in our new home as a family of three with peace and love surrounding us.
Wish me luck on this journey. It may be a really bumpy ride, but the time is now for me to emerge from the broken shell and be authentically me!