When Divorce is Hard, Concentrate on Gratitude

I know, you’re probably thinking I have no business in preaching that you should be finding something to be grateful for when things are so chaotic in your life.  I remember thinking the very same way when someone said that to me.  I scoffed, probably even grunted in my head and dismissed the thought entirely right away.  The pain was so great that I couldn’t imagine what in the world I could ever be grateful for when I was so broken.

But, as I began to write, I started to try to be grateful for the little things.  That I got up that morning and fed the kids without sobbing, that the kids went to school so I had time to sob alone, that I still had a roof over our heads, that friends had begun reaching out with support, that I still had my health and my kids were healthy too, etc.  You get the picture, right?

So in case you’re having trouble being thankful…here are some of mine:

1.  I can hog the TV remote now.
2.  I can watch every chick flick I want, whenever I want, repeatedly if I wish.
3.  There’s less laundry to do.
4.  I don’t have to share the covers and I can sleep in the middle of the bed.
5.  There’s a different atmosphere in the home that I control.
6.  I don’t have to fix his special meals anymore.
7.  I can breathe now that he’s gone. (that one took me by surprise)
8. The closet is mine.
9. I don’t have the make the bed everyday.
10. I have the freedom to be me.
11. I can fart in bed – whoops!  Did I just say that?  No, I never do such things, but I giggle that I could if I wanted to because there’s nobody to know but me! LOL
12. I can decorate the way I want (and decorate early for Christmas!)
13. I’m in charge of my own life.
14. I can wear what I want, when I want and how I want.
15. I’m the boss! (there’s good and bad to that too)

Of course, on the flip side, there are the parts that I miss:

1. Sleeping with my loved one.
2. Feeling good about doing all the special fixings for meals for him.
3. Having a partner to share conversations with – there wasn’t much of this at our ending though, but in the beginning, oh yes – he was wonderful.
4. Just being together.
5. Doing things with the kids together.
6. Parenting together – although the kids and I have no problems in that area fortunately!
7. Just holding hands on the couch watching a movie – sharing the simple things.
8. Caring for someone and someone caring about you.
9. Holidays with our family together.
10. All the good parts of a healthy, loving relationship.

But there’s no going back these days and I can only look forward so I concentrate on the gratitude.  I am grateful that I can begin again, start a new chapter of my life, even though I would never have envisioned divorcing.  But this is reality and I’m facing it as best I can – with dignity, gratitude, kindness and self-worth.

I refuse to be a bitter crone who is one of those empty people that just exist now.  And I know you don’t want to either!  So when things get hard during the transition, just come on over here.  We can sit and chat awhile and share some stories and most definitely, some chocolate!

♥