I admit, yes, I’m counting the minutes now

I’ve got that old familiar feeling again.  So far, it’s stayed away since the start of my quitting Sunday night, but I can feel the energy rising.  That feeling of come on, let’s go outside for a minute and relax with a cig.  Just one, the voice taunts me.

It’s been silent for days, so why now?  What’s different?  I can’t see any difference, but it is talking loudly right now!  So here I am, typing away furiously in hopes that the urge goes away quickly.  May it slink away into the night.

But nope, it’s growling.

Nobody’s around.  Nobody will know.  You can brush your teeth and shower before anyone knows.  Just one.  Test yourself.  It’s like Satan, tempting me. WTH?

I’ve been smooth sailing for a few days.  La-Dee-Da’ing my way through the days and nights watching movies and writing and talking on the phone all a’flutter about how I haven’t had any cravings.  No cravings until now and here I was thinking that perhaps it was a spiritual gift.

Now I’m thinking that the truth is the nicotine is finally out of my body. and the body is craving another hit.  I have a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I could devour a giant pint of ice cream filled with chocolate chips and all sorts of sweets and carbohydrates!

I. Must. Resist.

Ok, so I’m drinking water because maybe my body is dehydrated and not hungry, but thirsty.  Like a 2 year old toddler who only wants candy and you give her rutabagas – the water tastes dull and isn’t at all satisfying.  In fact, my body is mad and downright disgusted by the disrespectful way I’m giving it water instead of a well-deserved rest with smoke and maybe a cup of coffee with extra mocha creamer.  Oh, that sounds so great!!  But no!

I. Am. Still. Resisting.

Have you ever quit smoking cold turkey?  Did you feel this way too?  I’ve even tried doing some work in the house, getting my mind off the desire, but no such luck.  The voice is LOUD.

This sucks.  I can smell a cigarette from here even though I don’t have any burning nor nearby.  Is my mind playing tricks on me?  Nobody here smokes but me and I’m not smoking.

A telemarketer called and I answered.  Ok, forgive me, but it got me off the scent and kept my mind busy while I chattered gibberish to one of those robocalls until it hung up on me!  LOL

Urge released.  Back to LaLaLand for a bit more until the next wave comes I guess.  Thanks for letting me vent.

This entry was posted in 50 years old, addiction, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to I admit, yes, I’m counting the minutes now

  1. Kim Smyth says:

    You got this!! I quit cold turkey by switching to vaping, then decreased my nicotine until I was at 0! Now I hardly need it at all, but I do vape CBD OIL for anxiety and to help me sleep. Chew gum, chew on straws, sip water with lemon.


    • janieleeds says:

      Great ideas! Thanks Kim! I don’t want to vape so I’ve been doing it cold turkey without anything. I tried vaping but didn’t like it. Keeping my hands busy helped immensely so I may turn to writing. Proud of you for quitting!! ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bone&silver says:

    Vent any time! You can do it. You’re naming it with us, so that’s half the battle. You just gotta do something else: 10 push ups, a jog round the block, eat a clove of garlic, drink lemon water, talk to a telemarketer, blog… WHATEVER HELPS xx


    • janieleeds says:

      Blogging helped because I could keep my fingers busy! LOL Hope you all are really ok with me venting and sharing. Perhaps somehow, some way, it might help someone else who doens’t feel so alone in their quitting journey. Thanks for your support! ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great job, you can do it Janie 😉


  4. Mischenko says:

    You can do this, Janie! I’ve never had to quit smoking, but I’ve had to quit sugar and food which I’m guessing is equally as excruciating because I had the same thoughts you have above. Thinking of you and everyone’s here for you. Stay strong! 💜💖💙


  5. John H. says:

    I admire that you are trying to quit…I have been unsuccessful so far…but be my motivation!


    • janieleeds says:

      Hey John, thanks for stopping by. Thank you for your kind words. I will do my best to be your motivation! I think it’s baby steps, but I will keep you informed! LOL


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