Being divorced gets infinitely better when we feel like we are healing. There are signs along the way that we are processing the new chapter and accepting what our lives really are right now. I fought it like a wildcat though and expelled so much energy that when I look back now, I feel like it was so silly trying to communicate with an Ex who was more like a pet rock (remember those?) than the man I once loved and married. I wanted us to be different and to have a smooth transition as a family into the reality of divorce. Sigh…
So it was a banner day for me the other day because I went out and treated myself. It may seem like nothing to you, but I bought a few new items for myself. And you know what? I felt radiant!
Because the underlying theme is simply this: I want to look good again and to feel good again about myself. Believe me when I say, that’s huge for me because this sad ex wife lost her mojo so completely and it’s taken ages for it to wander back and solidify itself into my thinking. Sure, it’s been a process. Going to CrossFit, trying to quit smoking and releasing all the crap from my past has been hard. But the work that I’ve done is so totally worth it and finally, I am feeling more like ME! A new and improved ME that I am learning about and embracing. Gee, it took so f’ing long, but I was well-worth the wait!
Ahh…it’s the overdue pampering of me, the release of caring who thinks what, who judges whatever and all that crap that I cared about before is POOF obliterated. Am I really finally growing up?
I am finally ok with being ME – take me or leave me. I am no longer defined by my divorce or what I thought was a failure. I am happy. I give to the kids all the time, but hardly ever to myself. Now, I’m putting myself on an equal level and giving myself within reason, what I want, when I want it!
It feels FABULOUS! Just new pretty bras (on sale) can perk me up – yes, pun intended! I’m a simple girl, you know. And then the roller-ball of my favorite perfume? Lovely. When the kids left to see their dad, I was home alone. I tried on my new clothes. I had a glass of wine. I perfumed my wrists and then I watched Paris Can Wait while eating dark chocolate sea salt caramels. Cozy in my favorite pjs, I was grinning all by myself.
Peace is mine. Finally…