All’s fair in love and war. Who said that despicable quote? Because I don’t think there’s a fairness when it comes to either love nor war. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the meaning of the quote. What’s your thought on it?
There’s so much I want to write about love and the lessons I’ve learned by being in love, by being left by love and by finding peace in loving myself – and then there’s loving my kids which is a separate love. Loving the kids is the easiest one and if you’re a parent who enjoys your kids, you know how easy it is to love them, even when they’re driving you up the proverbial wall.
Loving yourself (or myself) has been a challenge for me, especially after my marriage ended. My self-esteem plummeted and I fell far down a hole swimming in pain. It took me a long time to resurface afterwards and to heal my broken heart and to see with clarity, in hindsight, that what I believed about us, wasn’t true. I closed my eyes in order to pretend that things were good and when he told me he was done, it was as if my heart was ripped from my breastbone and stomped upon with metal spiked boots.
Reality though was that it was long coming, even if I was blinded. Hindsight didn’t make the truth taste better, but it did make it clearer that he had disconnected long before he said goodbye. Maybe that’s how the heart and mind keep us sane for a little while longer until we can find a way to tap into reality and heal our brokenness. At least that’s how it happened with me.
Being in love is majestic when it’s good and when you’re on those mountaintops with clear skies and no drama. It’s like being in a bubble of perfection We’re walking on air with a spring in our combined steps with our loved one and see no shadows. All is perfectly flowing and we are at peace.
Being left by love is the opposite. Shadows linger and expand into our consciousness. We aren’t able to remember good times, only bad. We mourn the loss of love to the depths of our soul, surrounded by a myriad of sad songs, replaying what went wrong and reliving the hurt over and over. It’s just not pretty, nor is it fun and if you’ve had heartbreak in your life, you know how hard it is to rejoin the land of the living after being swallowed up by the pain of love lost.
I don’t believe there’s anything fair in love. You take the chances you are willing to take for love and bet it all in hopes that the other person to whom you’re exposing your vulnerable heart feels the same and holds the respect for your fragility equal with their own. If they do, and it’s mutual, feel the gift and enjoy it. If your love is unrequited, that’s where we feel it’s unfair. And I know this…
On the other side of healing, after being in the darkest recesses of love lost, there’s light at the end of the tunnel if you choose to work through it, heart, body, mind and soul. If not, you stay stagnant and not heal.
It’s not fair, but as they say, life’s not fair. So we need to get over ourselves that need for everything to be fair and move on. Pick up the broken-hearted pieces and put them back together, mend them in a new way. It’s not easy. I know that for sure. But I’ve walked this path and I will walk it again with you if you need a friend. You aren’t alone.