Back To Myself


Friends have been telling me lately that it’s good to see me back to myself.  It’s strange honestly because I don’t think I’ve changed.  Ok, well, maybe I’m a little more outgoing than I was before when I holed up while I was grieving my broken heart and marriage.  But it’s more than that they’ve insisted and when they try to explain, without hurting my feelings, it gets complicated.

Bottom line, consistently said:

You’re getting back to the girl we knew.

What an eye-opener!  I have to say that I visibly gulped after hearing it the first time.  After the second and third times of welcome back to you! my eyes opened wide and I was grateful that these friends had stayed with me through the mess and were here supporting me with love.  Welcoming back the happy me I once was.

But it made me think because I never felt like I was unhappy in my marriage until the end.  I think we really did have some good years together, but after awhile, it wasn’t good.  It just wasn’t and even though I didn’t want to face it and I had ever hopeful dreams that things would get better.  But they never did.  I am grateful that my former husband had the courage to leave because I wouldn’t have ever left him.

But now, years down the road, long, hard tough years of working on myself, I am grateful that he’s out of my life and I have left the forest where I’d lost myself in a marriage that wasn’t healthy.  I am regaining myself again and smiling and laughing again.  Freedom is sweet, even though it’s a little lonely.  But better to be alone and single than lonely in a marriage.

Don’t you agree?

This entry was posted in 50 years old, daily prompt, divorce, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, love, the daily post, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Back To Myself

  1. A R says:

    Yes it is!


  2. Pingback: Far beyond the Forest and the Waves! – Nicolas Heartmann

  3. blankpaper2121 says:

    I feel you deeply. Sometime when I go through anything that, leaves a negative effect on me. Instinctively close off parts of myself, not allowing that negativity to be expressed through my behavior. Open the flooded gates, I want the world to know, just how happy I am.


    • janieleeds says:

      Yay! Be happy! You deserve to be happy in this lifetime. I like that you don’t allow the negativity into your behavior because that’s so important to us. We just have to continue to be ourselves, who we innately are which is hard to do sometimes, but so essential! Thanks for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I could kid myself I wasn’t miserable, but what I was doing was just getting through each day. I don’t miss the difficulty of living with an unhappy person, there was so little joy, it was hard work. My former husband once said to me that the loneliest he ever felt was lying in bed next to me; that felt brutal, but looking back I think I was the same. Like you, I am not sure I would have had the courage to set the wheels in motion, but the last time he separated from me (ironically to “bring us together”), I decided to run with it- no regrets.

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      I am grateful that you have no regrets because that’s the peace I have in my heart as well. It’s never easy to separate nor divorce, but on the other side of healing, there is peace and for that, I’m eternally grateful for us both! ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  5. bone&silver says:

    Yes I agree completely, and I salute your resilience. ‘Former husband’ sounds so good, are you enjoying using that term now? : ) G


  6. LA says:

    Completely agree!


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