There’s No Prize For Being The Biggest Giver

I used to think that being the biggest giver was who I wanted to be.  Unselfishly, I gave more than my share in everything and in every relationship I had.  I gave until it hurt – because it hurt when I continued to give 100% to a relationship and only received a fragment in return.  It was only then when I wised up and realized that There’s no prize for being the biggest giver.

Not only is there no prize, but it’s not healthy.  In fact, it could be really unhealthy because we think we are doing right by giving so much, but in fact, we’re not.  We’re possibly hurting ourselves even more and not allowing others to give their share which doesn’t help them either.

I’m not all about 50/50 in a relationship.  But in the healthier ones I’ve had, they’ve been pretty close to 50/50 or in that vicinity – sometimes more, sometimes less – depending on what each person brings to the relationship.  Sometimes, at least for me, I’ve been more of the teacher and at others, more of the student, until I get on my feet and balanced in my heart.

Does any of this make sense to you????  I am not sure if I am explaining myself too well today.  There’s so much that I want to say, but in a general way, so I’m not sure it’s enough making sense.

Am I making sense?

I guess the bottom line is this:  If you aren’t getting feedback from a relationship, then it’s just not a relationship.  Because by definition a relationship is a give and take between two people and if you’re giving, but not receiving, then it’s unhealthy and may even be toxic.  As much as it hurts me to say this, I think it’s in being truthful with ourselves that we can set ourselves free from misery and unhealthy relationships.

I want you and me to be healthy, so that’s why I am saying this to us both.  You know I write for myself and for my readers who I feel are friends.  Take it from me, I learned the hard way and on the other side of unhealthy is healthy goodness and that’s what we all deserve!

 

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6 Responses to There’s No Prize For Being The Biggest Giver

  1. bone&silver says:

    Brilliant sentiment and post xxx

    Like

  2. I understand exactly what you mean a true loving relationship is balanced with both parties wanting to give equally 💕💕

    Like

  3. TJ Fox says:

    Relationships are about putting in 50/50. The problem is that when we see and think about that, we see it as an absolute, constant thing not realizing that the 50/50 is an average. It is about balance over time. Rarely ever are both parties putting in their 50% all the time. Sometimes one person is doing all the work to support the other, and that is okay IF you see that pendulum of giving swing back the other direction enough to hit some kind of balance.

    It is like advice with regards to emergency and survival situations. You HAVE to take care of yourself before you can take care of others or you won’t have what is needed to help. Put your oxygen mask on first before helping your neighbor, getting enough to eat to have the energy to care for those around you, those kinds of things. Relationships are the same.

    What you do for each other in a relationship feeds the both sides of the relationship. If only one side is doing the feeding, the relationship will eventually starve. That applies to ALL relationships, too. Not just the romantic ones. Family, friends and even our kids. The overall balance for each is a little different, but it is still there.

    After years of being the one constantly giving, I’ve swung hard to the other side and am more focused on taking care of my needs than most anything else. It feels selfish at times, but it is time I feed myself if I want to have anything at all to give to others again.

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  4. Pingback: Where Do I Go From Here With The Narcissist? | Authentically 50 ~ Embracing Life's Changes

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