I used to think that being the biggest giver was who I wanted to be. Unselfishly, I gave more than my share in everything and in every relationship I had. I gave until it hurt – because it hurt when I continued to give 100% to a relationship and only received a fragment in return. It was only then when I wised up and realized that There’s no prize for being the biggest giver.
Not only is there no prize, but it’s not healthy. In fact, it could be really unhealthy because we think we are doing right by giving so much, but in fact, we’re not. We’re possibly hurting ourselves even more and not allowing others to give their share which doesn’t help them either.
I’m not all about 50/50 in a relationship. But in the healthier ones I’ve had, they’ve been pretty close to 50/50 or in that vicinity – sometimes more, sometimes less – depending on what each person brings to the relationship. Sometimes, at least for me, I’ve been more of the teacher and at others, more of the student, until I get on my feet and balanced in my heart.
Does any of this make sense to you???? I am not sure if I am explaining myself too well today. There’s so much that I want to say, but in a general way, so I’m not sure it’s enough making sense.
Am I making sense?
I guess the bottom line is this: If you aren’t getting feedback from a relationship, then it’s just not a relationship. Because by definition a relationship is a give and take between two people and if you’re giving, but not receiving, then it’s unhealthy and may even be toxic. As much as it hurts me to say this, I think it’s in being truthful with ourselves that we can set ourselves free from misery and unhealthy relationships.
I want you and me to be healthy, so that’s why I am saying this to us both. You know I write for myself and for my readers who I feel are friends. Take it from me, I learned the hard way and on the other side of unhealthy is healthy goodness and that’s what we all deserve!