I was married for over two decades into a family that was much like the one depicted on Everybody Loves Raymond with a mother-in-law who was actually WORSE than Marie Barone, Can you imagine? When that TV show aired, it was like watching my life as I could easily related to Debra’s problems with her MIL (mother-in-law) Marie. And it gave a lot of funny stories to my friends about my MIL as they couldn’t believe her audacity when I regaled them with true stories of the things she did and said. It became a running joke (even though I didn’t always find her antics funny). However, because I was raised to respect my elders and especially my husband’s parents, I allowed it.
Now that the divorce has been final for a year, you would think that the relationship between my former in laws and former husband would be settled. Ever hopeful, I had thought that we would be in a peaceful place. They live their lives and I go about mine without hassle. But it was not meant to be since my ex MIL crossed the line over the weekend. And my anger is to the boiling point.
She manipulated her way into my home through my children who were also taught to respect their elders. Even though she was told No thank you by my kid who was staying with his dad and grandparents over the weekend, she insisted on driving him back to my home and caught off guard, he didn’t know how to say no without being not nice.
And so she got into my home when I was away. Uninvited. Without my permission. Manipulative move on her part to see my home without me being there, without my knowledge and I am livid. Because my kid has a car so he could have driven back to our house to get whatever it was that he needed so there was no need for Grandma to drive him. In fact, he said that he was so caught off guard and even though he said no thank you, she insisted on taking a drive with him over to my home – in order to get in to see it! And it’s not like she hasn’t seem it before because I did invite her over after we first moved in before I had written the post about cutting the ties that bind me.
And, here’s the topper – my ex husband tried the same with my other kid (and yes, he has a car too) but that kid said no so firmly that my ex didn’t pursue it. Whew.
But here’s my question – WHY? Curiosity? Entitlement? Narcissistic behavior? Why do you need to come into my house? And who the hell do you think you are to get in especially when I’m not home? As far as I’m concerned she was trespassing.
They don’t invite me over to their home. I wouldn’t want to go anyway. But I am so angry. I want to call her and give her a piece of my mind and tell her off, but I think silence serves me better. I just wish they’d disappear.
What would you do?
♥
Authentically 50 ~ Embracing Life's Changes 
It makes me so stinkin mad to read this! Grrrr! The nerve of some people. Be thankful for the reminder that you are all good to set her and all the drama that comes with that crew free. You don’t owe them anything. The kids are old enough so you don’t have to kowtow to them any longer. It still hurts my feelings (for you) just to read this though. So disrespectful of her to pull that. And now I’m back to grrrr again!!!
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Sorry to put you in GRRRR mode twice! But thanks for the support. It just stinks to be put in that position by her. She’s not worth my emotional time – even though when I think about it, I get that grrr again too.
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You hit the nail on the head. It’s not worth the emotional time and hopefully it will allow you to be free of them even more.
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Yes thank you!! Free as a butterfly! LOL
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Narcissistic behavior? Um… yes! Totally. I would be blowing my stack in your position.
I’m sure you’d like to let this go and not cause drama, but maybe you need to make it clear to her that she put your kid in an untenable situation, making them extremely uncomfortable. Every household has rules and most kids living at home kinda know that they shouldn’t let anyone inside without a parent’s permission. When she forced the issue, she forced your kid to pretty much break the rules and go against what he knew to be right just because another adult told them to and was pushy enough to make them feel as though they didn’t have the right to say no, even overriding the no they did express. NO adult should EVER put a child in that situation. That alone is a massive issue with this situation.
It is also a huge violation of your privacy, absolutely. Knowing narcissists, that will never bother her. Needing to feel as though she is the better person, putting her in the place where she will potentially look bad for making your child uncomfortable may be what needs to be said to bring the issue home to her. Maybe not, but I do believe you should draw that line because if she is willing to do this, I doubt that she would hesitate in doing it again or worse because she got away with it once and she knows she can again. Also have a talk with your kid and let him know that it is okay to tell someone no, no matter who they are or what they want, even if it means offending them.
And… massive kudos to you for not going and punching her in the nose. I know the temptation was there.
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TJ, you understand me! Thank you! I actually have talked with the kid who let her in and explained just that in a tactful but emphasizing way. In fact, I talked to both kids about it and how it wasn’t right for her to do that to them, nor to me. I also explained how it was disrespectful after he said NO to her for her to guilt him into it and it was disrespectful to me as well.
Obviously because I was furious and both kids knew it. Not at them, but at her. And yes, I did want to punch her in the nose. I actually said that! LOL!
I am choosing to stay silent for the moment because that will get her attention. As a narcissist, she will make up whatever I say in her head to make it look like I am being the brat in throwing a fit that she entered my home without my knowledge/approval so unless I had an audience of someone who I know would see the truth of her bad behavior, she’ll just twist my words. Perhaps if there’s a time that the kids and I are there with her, I will say something. In the meantime, I made enough of a deal of it that the kids understand why what she did was wrong. It’s funny that the little one was able to stand up and stay strong and the older one wasn’t because he’s more of a people pleaser like his mom.
Thank you TJ for writing back to me and for your support/advice/help. I really appreciate you. I hope all is well with you! xo
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I’m with TJ 100% on this one. What a nightmare. But after this post, and these fab comments, try not to give it too much more energy x
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Thank you! That’s what I’m trying! But I want to thank you all for your advice and for your support. xo
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I think we have the same MIL…
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Oh I’m so sorry to hear that LA! I wouldn’t wish another Marie Barone on anyone else! LOL
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😝
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Oh that is so bad, I would instil in the children that no way where they to let either her or their father in your house, good manners or not it is technically trespassing
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