In a divorce, the Blame Game comes into play. I think we are all guilty to some extent of blaming the other person for whatever instead of looking at the whole picture. It’s human nature to not see our part in any relationship or break up.
But with narcissists, it’s a whole different ballgame. While I hadn’t seen my former husband as a narcissist when I married him decades ago, it became more apparent in hindsight as the years rolled on and I learned more about the disorder. Then it was clear to me and quite frightening after awhile. I guess I just wasn’t able to handle the truth of the situation I was in because I really did think I loved him. And I guess that’s part of being on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse.
Part of being a narcissist is that nothing is ever his fault. He is not guilty of anything and he plays the Blame Game all the time. It is always, always someone else’s fault and usually, he thinks it’s mine. Because it can’t be his, because in his head, nothing is ever his fault. It’s always someone else’s fault.
As a healing divorced woman, I have let go of that and I try really hard to go on my merry way when he tries to throw me under the bus and make whatever is going wrong in his life my fault. Because he chose to leave, we’ve been divorced for over a year and his life has nothing to do with mine. I dislike that he’s poisoned his family with lies about me, but my kids and friends know the truth so even though it aggravates me, I choose not to deal with his insanity. Otherwise, I’d be inconsolable and I’ve been there before and I’m not going back to that misery again in my life.
However, the kids are now getting blamed for things that are honestly their dad’s fault. They’re getting a taste of that side of him that I hadn’t talked about because it was between us. It’s staggering how much they are being hurt by his hurling accusations that have no truth to them. I feel badly that they are suffering for it, but I also think it’s a good learning experience for them. My former in-laws also play the Blame Game and it’s ratcheting up these days to extraordinary levels. It’s chaotic here with all the stress of emotions that swirl about because of it. It’s like riding on cobblestone streets in a car. Bumpy for sure. But I’m working really hard to stay centered so that the ground under them (and me) is stable and secure.
When you are dealing with a narcissist, have you been part of the Blame Game too? What did you do about it?