Drop The Mic

So what’s my plan before the school festivities begin and I have to be in the same place as my former husband and his family for my kid’s celebration?  What was your plan when it happened to you?  I would love to hear any of your experiences before mine comes if you want to share.  Please.  I could use a friend if you’ve been in a similar situation.

My plan is to DROP THE MIC.  In other words, it’s to be myself, to greet them cordially and to move on.  If anyone tries to be less than cordial, I walk away with dignity.  I will not engage in anything other than pleasantries (even though this will be hard).  And if he (former husband) begins with anger or suddenly wants to discuss all that he’s not answered, I will tell him:  This is not the time nor the place for this discussion.  You may call me later or answer my emails in writing.  Period.  And drop the mic and walk away.  He will probably be flabbergasted because that’s not our prior relationship pattern, but it is now.

That tidbit of advice that a friend offered me feels like a supportive mantra to get me through the anxiety of having to pretend we are all feeling pleasant about being thrust together for the sake of our kids and for the superficiality of other people watching the exchange.

While he will have his family around him, I will be alone which makes it harder for me.  But I know I can summon my strength to survive this encounter as well.  I want to surrender to the Universe and allow whatever will be to be and know that however the encounter is packaged, I can remain calm and at peace and enjoy the celebration with my kids.  I can do this myself.  I know I can.  I just have to remember that I’m ok.  I’m really ok.  And so are you.

P.S.  I’m planning on getting my hair done and I have an outfit picked out that makes me feel confident and happy.  So at least outer me will look as good as she can!  Vain?  Nah.  But just doing what I can to feel more comfortable in the situation.  I’m doing it for me.

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18 Responses to Drop The Mic

  1. Great idea! Wear some nice makeup and look at your kid! Remember you are still happy and there is nothing “he” can do to change that! You got this girl!

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  2. LA says:

    Yay on hair and outfit! Just be yourself and look fabulous!!

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  3. I know you will look fabulous, smile until your face aches 🤗

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  4. I attended a school event with a friend, who was in the same position as you. Firstly, she took me along for moral support, secondly she retained a dignified and polite manner and only spoke to him briefly, and thirdly, she sat the other side of the hall from him and his new wife. We had a lovely evening. Hope this helps. 😘 Good luck.

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  5. Dee Kelly says:

    This is exactly what I would recommend! Take the high road. You don’t have to pretend to like him but just be civil and refuse to engage beyond that. Sounds like you’re making positive changes! Good luck!

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  6. TJ Fox says:

    I have no advice for you on this because my ex never showed for a single thing of OC’s. Not once. I will say that I love your idea, especially doing what you need/want to feel really good about yourself. That alone can make a world of difference.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks for your support TJ and for sharing your experience. I am so sorry that yours didn’t show for anything for OC. The ex’s loss but also the pain for OC and the ridiculousness for you to deal with in his not showing. It’s so sad when this happens. I just don’t get it.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. pbeyer says:

    I’ve been divorced for the last three and a half years. I felt the same way about my daughters school events because my ex wife would bring her family, and I would just go on my own. For the first year it was hard to deny the feelings of being ‘looked at’ or judged. And it always felt like there was a minor competition on who is talking to other parents and not awkwardly standing around.

    But it gets better. I think that when you realize that there is nothing you can do about people’s opinions, and you are at your best when you’re confident and are just there for your kids, then all the rest of that stuff seems silly.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you for sharing your experience as it made me feel so much better. You are right. It is all silly, but it’s hard to have been so close to his family and to be odd woman out because of the way they act. I’m glad it gets better because it doesn’t feel very good right now. Have a good day. Thanks for stopping by and sharing with me.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: An Amazing Success! | Authentically 50 ~ Embracing Life's Changes

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