Do You Believe In One and Done?

I used to think that my marriage was for life – in other words, one and done.  But if you’ve been reading here, you know I’m divorced so my one and done wasn’t meant to be.  Now I’ve got to develop a Plan B.

While it’s been a few years since my former husband and I separated and divorced, I had a lot of inner work to do to get over the pain and wounded woman syndrome.  I’ve shared some of it here on the blog in hopes that I could connect with others who were experiencing similar issues.  I think that we need friends when we are going through so much pain.  So I want to thank you all for being my friends.

I know a lot of my friends’ parents who are one and done and I really admire them.  I admire anyone who is married for a long period of time because it requires commitment, compromise and love to not give up on the vows taken so long ago.  I would not have left my former husband either, but now years down the road, I realize that I owe him a thank you for his courage in leaving when he said I don’t want to do this anymore.

Plan B isn’t established though.  I’m working on it as I work on me.  I didn’t want to start something when I wasn’t healed.  I was never one of those people who jumped into a relationship without taking it slowly.  Maybe I should have been like those who immediately start dating after divorce, but that’s not me.

And if nothing more, I have to be me – Authentically me!

So here’s my question to you:

Do you believe in only one love in your lifetime?  Only one marriage?  Only one soul connection or soulmate?  I would love to hear what you’d like to share!

 

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, love, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Do You Believe In One and Done?

  1. The V Pub says:

    I think that some people become so broken when their marriage ends that they are one and done. But for those who survive and then recover, I think it’s a human trait to search out a companion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I agree with you….I know for me, I am not a one and done girl. I thought when I was married that’s what I had, but now that I’m divorced, I know I’d like to find a companion again…nice word – companion!

      Like

  2. TJ Fox says:

    I do not believe in that “only one” concept. To me, it is one of those absolutes, those ideals that we tell ourselves to aim for that doesn’t actually exist in reality. Yes, some people can have one of those amazing relationships that lasts a lifetime and that if they lose that partner, have zero desire to ever have another one. I know of 2 different people in my life that feel that way. One had that lifetime with their partner and is much older in life, the other only had a few years and she is still young. Both lost through death. That doesn’t mean that those were the only people that they could love that deeply. It has just been their choice to not look for anything else, and that is absolutely okay.

    As for marriage and divorce, again. I do not agree with that “only one” idea at all. Too many times people will stay in relationships that are not healthy on any number of levels because they do believe in that idea. It kinda ticks me off in a way because, why? Seriously, why would you choose to suffer that kind of misery and unhappiness? We are human. We are not perfect. We make mistakes or things change. That is the essence of life. Change. Sometimes that change means that we need to change the people in our lives, marriage or not. I believe you only get this one life and it is up to you, and ONLY you, to make it the best one you possibly can. What purpose does it serve to live it with someone that doesn’t work to enhance your happiness or even actively works to destroy it? Yes, you still need to do everything you can to make what you have work and not treat it like a used tissue, but you and I both know that making things work isn’t always something that is possible.

    As for having “only one” soul connection, again, I disagree. I think that we have soul connections with so many different people in our lives, not just romantic ones, so why would we only have that one romantic connection that our soul recognizes? Is it common to have it happen more than once in our lives? No. It also isn’t impossible.

    In the end, I believe wholeheartedly that we need to do what is right for us as individuals, do what fulfills us, no matter what preconceived notions about “the right way” someone may have. Even ourselves.

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Love your response TJ! I don’t believe in the one and only myself. I thought that was what I had, but with the divorce, my eyes have been opened I see that there has been another soul connection in my life (well, I always knew that) and perhaps others as well. I think that as we evolve and change, our needs and our strengths change as well so what was a fit when we were younger, may not fit as we grow older. I believe in being happy, but also working together to make the relationship the best it can be for both people. Thanks for sharing! ♥ Your last paragraph really hit home for me. So much wisdom….

      Liked by 2 people

    • bone&silver says:

      Fabulous response 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I believe that you can love several people throughout a lifetime. I jumped too quickly after my 27 year marriage ended and was with someone for seven years and we got married two years before we divorced. I vowed then I would never get married again. Then I met John the first man who never expected anything from me. He only wanted me to grow and be happy. Obviously we got married, after all they do say that the third marriage is a charm!

    Do not settle for anything or anyone who does not give you his time, his respect and his love. 💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mumlife says:

    I believe in soul mates and the one. Most of the time it’s never who you marry. Because that would be to easy right?

    Like

  5. LA says:

    Love this post and thoughts!, no…I believe that you can get married more than once, because sometimes we make mistakes, or marry for wrong reasons. But, I sort of believe in soul mates…people youjust can’t shake out if your mind. Love all the thoughts with this!

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks LA! I agree with you – soul mates, yes, I believe in them. And now I have to believe in we can marry more than once as things change, people change and so on…thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t believe there is only one, but I cannot see myself getting married again. Maybe if separation and divorce had happened earlier in my life, but not now…
    Financially, I am not prepared to put anything I have left at risk, I want to be able to leave my children something (and yes, I know about prenups). I don’t want to live with a man again, my own space is so very precious to me; but I wouldn’t mind a relationship with a man who wants to stay in his own space too.
    I would like a male friend who shares my interests and sees me as a valuable person to be respected and would like to go to a movie, or dinner, or a holiday with me…
    Will it happen??? Who knows….

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      I hope you find what you are looking for Jenny! I hope we all do! I don’t know how I feel yet. I think it will depend on the man. For right now, I’m enjoying my life but I’m open to life and what may be in store! Thanks for sharing! P.S. I am enjoying my own space too…

      Like

  7. bone&silver says:

    I definitely do not believe in ‘one and done’. I have had several lovers over the years who felt like soul mates, yet it doesn’t mean we have to stay together for ever. I also have dearest friends who are like ‘family’ to me; they feel like soulmates too. Sociologist Margaret Mead reckoned we need 3 partners over a lifetime- one for sex when younger, one to raise a family with, then one for companionship. Just find what suits YOU, when it suits you, and forget what anyone else judges or ‘approves’ of 💪🏼😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Yay! Thanks for your support! How interesting about what Margaret Mead said…I’m just going with the flow these days…let’s see where life takes me! 🙂 You know I’ll be letting you know! ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  8. SDC says:

    I believe in soulmates in both friendship and romance..marriage or not. I believe you will get stepped on and step on others along the way as well. It is simply fact to fit where the illusion of soulmates stands. That’s not to say it isn’t real, but we aren’t always meant to stay in each others trajectories forever. It isn’t realistic, but of course it does happen. Does that mean the two of you *are* soulmates? Because of that time invested? I’m not sure. Because there are a hundred stories that make up that view of Forever. Bending, conceding, hurting, settling, trying and failing. Maybe some, and maybe none of it. But there is just so much to that picture of Forever. Because of all these moving parts, I do believe there can be more than The One in a lifetime. Even if it isn’t ideal or what you were expecting. Sometimes fate plays us more than one perfect card when the other ones been taken. Or when we didn’t know what to do with it to begin with.

    Like

    • janieleeds says:

      So eloquently said Sam! I agree with you. I believe that we change over the years and our needs/wants evolve as well so what may have been perfect soulmate at the time is outgrown or we are outgrown or the growth between us becomes stagnant or distanced. I think we do have more than The One at different times and that’s the beauty in love – that we change as we grow and either we grow together or apart. I look upon those who are soulmates for a lifetime with awe. Thanks for sharing.

      Like

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