I Won’t Be Narc Bait Anymore

I was raised by narcissistic parents in addition to a narc brother.  Trained by the narcs, I am a people pleaser, a fixer and I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I love deeply.  I am an empath.  I don’t like conflict and strive for peace daily so I was perfectly suited for them.  But after learning about narcissism, I have separated myself from them all with only light contact out of necessity.  It’s lonely here, so I blog.

Growing up, I always thought I was adopted or at least I was a twin separated by birth and placed in the wrong home.  Maybe the twin piece is my groomed narc bait self vs. my authentic self, (the one who knew that this wasn’t healthy).

For years, I’ve struggled with the ups and downs, the all-encompassing love and quick turn to meanness that comes at me from all sides with the narcissists in my life.  Looking back, I can see how my former husband felt so comfortable to me and his family as well because they mirrored my own.  And so, like a tennis ball I was volleyed back and forth between them all, unknowingly being served up as narcissistic supply to each of them.

It was a really a sad day when I finally realized the truth.  I struggled for so long to be perfect and to have them all love me.  When they each turn-coated on me, in various degrees, all at different times, I suffered and one of the others would ease my pain until the next one needed a bigger fix and off I went, over the net to supply someone else.  And all the while, I felt like I was barely floating on stormy seas.

It’s a big tumultuous realization to have without help.  Healing takes on more importance along with keeping myself and my kids safe from the wolves.  I’m over the grieving of it (well, I still do occasionally).  I’m still healing and learning about myself.  I’m still letting go of the need for unconditional love from them ( because that’s an impossibility), but that has been getting steadily easier.   The caring about their lies and gossip has become less important to me as I work on staying centered and authentically me.  Again, it’s a slow process at age 50+, but I’m not giving up on me, nor am I backing down.

I still love them somewhere in my heart and I forgive as well.  But I won’t put up with any more manipulation and there’s been backlash from that which hurt a lot.  But I’m worth being authentically me, in a healthy relationship with myself and maybe someday with someone special.  In the meantime, everyday, I get a little stronger.  And you can too!

I don’t want to be narc bait for the next relationship.  So I’ve stayed single while I heal.  I feel like we attract them in droves when we stay stagnant so with eyes wide open, I am working on loving me. and staying on the lookout for the narcs in sheep’s clothing.

This entry was posted in addiction, divorce, finding happiness at 50, inspiration, love, women 50 and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to I Won’t Be Narc Bait Anymore

  1. LA says:

    Sending you hugs!!❤️❤️😗

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  2. You’re doing it the right way Janie, you are a lovely warm giving women who is not bitter about the past either. 🌹

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  3. Healthy boundaries means a healthy you…you are so worth it!

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  4. You have helped me so much! I realized that my brother is a narc too, so it seems as if I had a taste of it without knowing it, until the present one was so overtly narc and disturbed that it shook my world and made me see things with clarity. but like you, NO MORE. NEVER again.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Being aware is step one. But being on the look out for another one is step two because it’s not like they have a sign on their shirts saying, HELLO I’M A NARCISSIST. So be careful

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  5. TJ Fox says:

    For those like us, it is kind of a needed daily mantra… the “I am worth _____ ” whatever thing that others made us feel unworthy of.

    As for that future someone special, something that really helped me to feel better about things when I was ready and before I met Hubby was that I sat down and made a list of the top things that were vitally important to me and things that were absolute deal breakers. I did this really in a moment of frustration so it wasn’t exactly intentional, but I ended up keeping it in mind as I ventured through the mess of dating after divorce while still having a small kid at home. It helped me to remember those things and made the red flags easier to see as they came up because they reminded me of my list, but they also made me notice when that person ticked off any of those truly important things. I guess you could say I used it as kind of a focus, at least on a partly conscious level. It is something Hubby and I joke about now that he ticked every box on my list and even some I wasn’t aware were important that didn’t make the list.

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  6. Pingback: I Won’t Be Narc Bait Anymore — Authentically 50 ~ Embracing Life’s Changes – Seeds of the Path

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