I can’t even begin to tell you how much better I am feeling as I go through this process of realizing how the narcissists in my life have evolved. I don’t blame them for being who they are and I certainly don’t blame myself for having experienced what I have through our relationships.
The clarity I have gained recently is intense and often, I have to stop in order to process the past and see what I failed to see at the time. It’s like I feel like I have a magnetic understanding when people talk about their situations. Clarity has brought me divinity and I want to share it with you.
Because narcissists are who they are and I beat myself up, again and again because I couldn’t logically understand them. That’s what drove me to keep trying to get them to see how much I loved them, how connecting with our family with love was so rewarding and how blinded I was because I believed in them, even when the facts that disputed their twisted lies were right there in front of me. But I never like to think badly about those I love, so I remained blind. I bought their excuses and glossed it all over in my head and heart because I didn’t want to see reality.
Fool! I have called myself over and over, but not anymore. Oftentimes, I have despised them and myself for what I experienced with them. However, I do not choose to maintain that distasteful hate in my heart. It’s far better for me (and for you) to free ourselves from the patterns, the bonded story that we created as empaths. To release and to heal with the understanding that we may have been broken by the relationship, but we have also enriched our understanding of people by the experience.
That’s taken me a long time to work through this in my life. And please don’t believe that I have no narcs left for they are all still in my life in varying degrees. It’s the freedom in how I choose to deal with them that brings me this peace lately. Don’t misunderstand, they are still pulling their tricks, still lying in twisted ways, still trying to bait me, to use me for narcissistic supply and still haven’t un-clutched me from their narcissistic claws. And probably never will.
I am surrounded still by them. I probably always will be. But if I can find peace in this chaos, so can you. The truth has set me free! And that’s when clarity brings divinity.