Anger raised its ugly fist this weekend at our house. I had to stay centered as chaos swirled around us. Thank God I wasn’t the direct reason for the anger because it was freaking tense here and that’s an understatement.
I just kept telling myself to do what I could while the kids were listening and to allow them time alone to process it. That letting go was soooo hard! As a parent, I’m sure you get it. I felt like we were in a tornado. Sure, you may think I’m exaggerating, but seriously, it was that bad.
While there was no violence, the seething anger felt like it had an evil power all of its own. I had felt it encroaching for awhile, but it blew up in mind-boggling proportions. And of course, the fallout and healing is all on me, not on the one who has caused the escalated anger.
But as any single parent knows, it’s not easy. We get caught up in that anger whirlwind because our story is similar. I just kept reminding myself to not cross my story with the kids’ story because that would make an even bigger mess out of the situation. This was about the kids and not me.
That’s when I had to bite my freaking tongue and I’m proud to say that I did. But my tongue hurts today and has a real dent in it because I really did bite my tongue!
Dealing with it head on was what we needed. That’s what drove me to shut my mouth and to listen and let them vent in whatever way they could. Then I offered suggestions. Afterwards, I let them be alone which was really hard, but they needed time to think about it. I was always relieved when they returned to the great room to continue to talk or to give me the silent treatment. Either way, I figured their presence was a start to healing. So I thanked them for returning. I felt like that was a step in the right direction. And I watched for an opportunity to reach out to hug them because I know that helps. Relieved, I can report that hugs were finally accepted.
Best part was by the end of the weekend, it was agreed that we will go to group therapy. Big applause!
I woke up this morning feeling like we’d survived a nasty hurricane. Everyone is talking even though it’s tentative. They hugged me before they left the house today for work which was good. Small steps. And if I know anything, the storm will come again until they process out all of the emotions. So I know this isn’t one and done.
But if what we experienced shows us anything, I hope it’s that together we can help each other to heal. We are a family of three and we need to communicate even when it’s hard. Sure, somebody can heal alone, but it’s easier, better, faster and more enjoyable when we do it together.
Have you had any similar experiences at your house?