If you’re thinking that my advice to be an observer in your life story with the narcissists is hooey, I understand. It wasn’t until I understood what it meant that I realized what a great tool it is to healing.
We get so entwined in our story that we are blinded. We become depressed and are in a bad place. We can’t get out, no matter what our friends say to us or advise us to do. What helped me? Being an observer.
A friend who had heard my sorry tale one day asked me to listen and repeated back to me my own story. She asked me for advice as to how we could help ‘her friend’ who was having trouble. She changed the story a bit, but it was mine. And as I listened, I heard my own story from a different perspective and the spark inside of me ignited. The silent treatment, the criticism, the ugliness was apparent when I wasn’t living it myself and instead, hearing what ‘another woman’ was experiencing. The light bulb went off and while I had a hard time standing up for myself, I had no problem seeing ‘her friend’s’ issues. I guess sometimes we just have to get out of our own way.
And be an observer.