Before dating after a breakup, here’s a little advice.
DON’T IGNORE THE RED FLAGS!
What do I mean by that? Well, if you read yesterday’s post, you’ll see how in talking with Steve, I was feeling interested because I felt like we were connecting. But when I googled him afterward, I found all sorts of unsavory information. In thinking back on the conversation, I realized some warning signs that we sometimes ignore.
For example: At one point he told me that he wasn’t a good talker (even though he’d been talking really well) and he’d been working on that in therapy because that was a big part of why the marriage failed. My mind immediately went to Yay! A man who admits he’s not a good talker and is in therapy to work on it! But later he followed up with men are just built differently than women and connecting is so much easier when you first meet. I admit a little bell rang in the recess of my brain, but at the time I ignored it. But if the google info is correct, then the serial cheating fun is in the full blown exploration in the beginning of a relationship conquest and he chases that euphoric feeling. Does that make sense to you?
He also said, you’re so easy to talk with and thank you for the therapy session. While I shared a teeny portion of my divorce story, there was no give and take. It was all about him and how nobody could believe how good he is to his ex-wife financially. But the red flag was that he was laying the foundation for my empathic nature to be aroused as he had already honed in on that and was building the bridge between us. He wanted me to think, You’re such an amazing divorced man. Because really, who reveals that when our conversation was professionally work-related and not of a personal nature to start?
Last red flag: Now I’m a very giving person to begin with and so if you need help, I’m there. That is what makes me narc bait because they instinctively know how to use that to their advantage. And we get so caught up in supposed feeling of connecting that we dismiss any unsavory thoughts because we feel for others. Those are part of an empath’s characteristics. Now I am grateful that the conversation wasn’t too detailed and when I had time to process afterwards, I was glad that I hadn’t shared much and that I had googled him! That threw cold water all over any interest, whether or not it’s true (because I tend to think that where’s there’s smoke, there’s fire) and I want no part of a divorced (maybe) serial cheater.
Do you see what I mean here? Have you ever ignored the warnings when you look back?