I hung onto the story (which was true) in my head that stated: he left me. In all honesty, looking back, I can see how I clung tightly to the victim-hood status of being the one left. I spent enormous amounts of time trying to figure out when it all began to unravel in our marriage. I searched my past for signs that he had been separating and not connecting with me nor the kids. I back-pedaled through years of excuses I’d made for him working overtime or missing family functions supposedly because of “work.” When I look back now with fresh eyes, I can see clearly how blinded I was because I didn’t want to see what was happening in my own marriage. What was, essentially, right in front of my eyes.
I think we all have a tendency to do that to a point. We make excuses. We don’t investigate what our spidey-sense is telling us because we are afraid to rock the boat, to upset the family dynamic, to see what’s behind the mask of the charade that we’ve bought into for so long.
The best thing I ever did was to get with it. I took myself out of the equation and began to look at the whole situation, not from my viewpoint but from the overall observer point of view. I pretended that I was a friend listening to my story. What would I say to my friend?
Open your eyes girl! This life you think you co-created to be so beautiful is a frothing mess. You’ve been set free from it so go, let go of the past and find your bearings!
I had to make the choice myself and although I waffled for a long time, I’ve turned a corner. And you will too once you let go of what once was, what you once saw as a loving connection with your former spouse and once you let go of the guilt that if you’re like me, you’re probably allowing to fester in your heart.
Drop the bullshit story. You are not a victim. You are a creative, wonderful person who has been set free from a marriage that wasn’t working. Stop blaming yourself or him. That just keeps you mired in that sad mentality. Wake up to your situation now. Mourn, yes. Talk it out, yes (I suggest a qualified therapist). And then begin again.
Endings are just new beginnings waiting to be embraced. If you can’t embrace your new chapter, then just allow it to unfold. Go with the flow in the newness of your situation. You can and will do this eventually. I trust in you. And I’m here because I’ve walked that path myself for years.
Come on, detangle yourself! This is your life, now live it!