I don’t know if you’ve heard the story about the wise grandfather who tells his grandson about the two wolves fighting inside each of us. While I’m shortening the parable so that I don’t bore you by being long-winded, the common tale I’ve heard went like this:
Grandfather: Two wolves, one good and one bad are fighting inside each of us.
Grandson: Which one wins?
Grandfather: The one you feed.
While I used to agree with that thinking, I don’t anymore because I think we are a sum of the good and bad wolves. We’re a mixture and we need to feed both – of course, feed the good one more! But really, who’s all good all the time? I tried living a lifetime of being the good girl and it didn’t work for me. Did it work for you?
While I’m not all about being bad either (or what I would define as bad which may differ from your definition), I’m not going to squash that bad wolf anymore. Tamp down the bad wolf long enough, turn your back on its howling and it snaps. And that’s what I’m thinking maybe happened to my former husband. And then again, maybe not.
But it’s like a light bulb went off this morning in my head. An Ah-Ha peace that may or may not be true, but certainly allows me to see life with more acceptance and helps me to remember that I don’t need to be the consummate good girl all the time. Starving the bad wolf inside who wants to shake her fist at the situation or curl up into a ball of fury in order to release the pent up frustrations wasn’t working for me either. And I’m just embarrassed. When I needed to feed the bad wolf, I went back to smoking after 20 years of being a non-smoker. I guess that was my version of my good girl being bad.
But now the bad wolf needs to find more nutritious food and quit smoking. Maybe I’ll go back to cross-fit to feed the bad wolf and become a strong, fit badass good girl! LOL