When Your Kid Wants To Come Home From College

My kid went to University in August and started falling apart.  How the hell it happened in the blink of an eye is beyond me considering I think I have a good grasp on my kids normally.  But this turn of events came out of nowhere and it was heartbreaking – for him and for me.

So in case you’re having similar problems, I thought I’d tell you what helped us.  While getting him help through the university wasn’t easy, some compassionate people were really helpful to me.  But the university has rules that they can’t break which as a parent is very frustrating.

For example, I called the Counseling Center.  As a parent who’s asking for help for her kid who’s homesick, not eating and sad, you’d think I’d be met with kindness and consideration.  Instead, I was told firmly to have the kid call to make an appointment.  So I pushed it and gave the person his name and symptoms so that they would have a heads up when he called.  What kid is going to voluntarily call the Counseling Center?  Well, luckily, mine agreed and did it.  Yes, that helped a little.

Then I tried to get in touch with his Resident Advisor (RA – a mentor older student who lives on the same floor and is supposedly loosely in charge of the freshman students).  That was a bust.  I ended up calling the Housing Dept. to ask for a message to be sent to the RA on his floor to help him to maybe connect with others.  But when I went up a few days later for a visit, we saw the RA, but he didn’t even recognize my kid.  Now granted, it was probably because my kid wasn’t leaving his room often except for classes, but still….

So then I called the Dean of Students.  I figured I had to go to the top.  It was a good experience and he made an appointment with my kid and got him a little more involved with the school.  That helped.

But as a single Mom of a homesick college kid, it’s not easy.  My former husband, his father, is negligent in reaching out to our kid.  Even though I reached out to him to keep him in the loop, he had no compassion for a sick kid, nor one that was homesick.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t communicate with the kids anymore unless it suits him.  And dealing with feelings doesn’t suit his perfect persona.  (more on that at another time).

I’m happy to report things have improved a wee bit here.  Any signs of improvement, I consider a small triumph.  He joined a club which helps.  He’s sharing notes with someone in one of his classes.  The roommate is nice, but he’s got his own friends, but at least they ate dinner together the other night.  Baby steps.  That’s all I’m asking for him to succeed.  So far, fingers crossed…getting better.

I hope that this helps you if you’re dealing with a homesick freshman or transfer student at university.

 

 

 

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14 Responses to When Your Kid Wants To Come Home From College

  1. A R says:

    Like your ex husband, mine would have been absent as well. My husband would have blamed our daughter for her feelings. Clearly this shows your husband’s lack of empathy. It is so sad……. You are a wonderful mother and a strong woman! Your kids will truly appreciate you in the end. They will remember who helped them and who didn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      Thanks Ann. I am sorry yours is the same as mine. I think they can’t do feelings unless they are their own feelings which they feel triumph anyone else’s. I hope that they kids remember who is there always, for whenever they need a little TLC. That’s what we’re here for anyway, right? xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Aww. You are a wonderful mother, dear. Keep being strong. 🙂

    Like

  3. Sandy says:

    I would have done exactly the same thing if it were my daughter. When it comes to our kids, we do everything we can for them just as it should be. 🙂

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    • janieleeds says:

      I agree Sandy. That’s what being a Mom is…and hoping that when it’s their time to be a parent, they will remember to have patience, love and kindness along with strength for a little compassionate tough love when needed. 🙂 Thank you. I hope your daughter never goes through it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m recalling a similar situation and the dean was very supportive. We worked together as a team to make sure my son’s sadness didn’t overwhelm him and turn into depression. A couple of stress reducing changes in his courses helped. It turned out that he just didn’t want to continue to follow the path to be a molecular biologist. That’s when he switched to german philosophy. I told him to only do what his heart wanted, and not to follow a path just because it made ME happy. As long as he ended up being some kind of doctor, MD or PhD, I’d be happy. And he’s thanked me for that.

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  5. Inbarbsworld says:

    Yes lovely. xx As soon as my daughter turned 18, no one would accept my phone call on her behalf anymore. She was ‘legally’ an adult, so it was time for her to practice adulting. Phone calls for appointments, being one. As they grow older, we get to do less, which leaves more time to just love them. xxx

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