Make Yourself Happy

“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

You’ve heard that line before, haven’t you?  There’s truth in it even though I’ve only heard other people say it with a bit of sarcasm.

Your job is to make you happy.  Your job is not to make someone else happy.   Nor is it someone else’s job to make you happy.  That was my mistake in my now defunct marriage.  My former husband was unhappy and I thought it was my job to make him happy, even when bending over backwards to make him happy, made me very unhappy.  I put his happiness above my own.  That was my fault.  For that, I take full responsibility.  Sadly I failed at making him happy.  I spent years bemoaning the fact that I wasn’t enough for him, that I failed him, but now I understand.

Because he’s still not happy so it’s not me.  It’s him.

I enjoy making myself and others happy.  I have always enjoyed doing those little something extras that make someone’s day special.  It brings me great joy!  But when it wasn’t being appreciated or even noticed, it was hard on me.  It seemed with my former husband that he despised me the more I tried to make him happy, but I was too blind to see that at the time.  I guess we all learn many lessons in hindsight.

So make yourself happy.  Don’t go overboard to make yourself happy over others’ unhappiness.  But remember that you count too because I think at times we tend to do for others more than we do for ourselves.  And that’s no way to live because it festers unhappiness when we put ourselves last all the time.  Does this make any sense?

You are responsible for your own happiness.  Your partner is responsible for theirs.  And together you are responsible to be kind, appreciative and thoughtfully loving to each other.  Sometimes we give more than we take and vice versa.  And that’s ok as long as there’s reciprocation and it balances out eventually.

This entry was posted in divorce, finding happiness at 50, love, women 50 and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Make Yourself Happy

  1. A R says:

    I can relate to everything that you said. I have ALWAYS tried to make him happy. I put his happiness first. FOR YEARS!!! If he was unhappy, I blamed myself…… I felt like a failure. I felt like I was incapable of ever making him happy.
    You are right! It is HIM… He is responsible for his own happiness. Which his happiness comes from people who feed his ego… Not from me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      It was my older kid who told me that his dad isn’t happy and it was his insight that brought up the fact that he thinks his dad thought that by leaving he would be happier. Nope. Then by moving away. Nope. Then by being in a relationship. Nope. He’s still complaining. So what’s the common factor? His dad. And that’s from the mouth of my kid and not me at all.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The V Pub says:

    Sage advice in any relationship. I think that people tend to overlook differences with the hope of changing the other person in the future. In truth, that’s probably not a good decision. Those things overlooked early in a relationship tend to get more irritating as time goes by. So, being me makes me happy. Ergo, being me should make you happy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • janieleeds says:

      I agree with you! There was a video by Eartha Kitt that I posted awhile back. While I’m not like she is because I do believe in compromise, I liked how she said towards the end, “I want someone to share me with me.” Of course, I would need to add that I want it vice versa too. That’s where the compromise comes in.
      But yes, being me makes me happy and yes, I want it to make you happy too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well said Janie, I made an old lady happy yesterday in the doctors surgery. She got chatting to me telling me she lived on her own and got very lonely at times.

    Then she wished she had some water because her throat was dry. I gave her a mint and you would have thought I had given her a diamond. It doesn’t take much to make someone happy.

    Your posts make me happy 😃


  4. TJ Fox says:

    You can be a part of someone’s happiness, you can contribute to it, but you are not responsible for it. That goes for EVERYONE not just your spouse. It applies to family, children, friends… everyone. When I figured that out and had a conversation with Hubby about it during a time we were struggling through one of those difficult growing periods in our marriage, it made both of our lives so much better. The crazy thing is that it still took me years to understand that it applied to more than just him. When I quit trying to be responsible for the happiness of my parents and brothers and kids, I found that I was so much happier and so much more content in my life. A huge amount of my stress came from trying to be responsible for other’s happiness, which you actually have zero control over, and ignoring my own. Letting that go opened up so many options for my own happiness.

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      YAY TJ! I agree with you! I did the same thing and tried to make everyone else happy – brother, parents, kids, family members – and it didn’t work. Thanks for sharing. I love that you and your hubby were able to have that conversation and improve your relationship! Good for you!!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. bone&silver says:

    Ain’t hindsight and self reflection the most wonderful teacher? 😊

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s