“If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
You’ve heard that line before, haven’t you? There’s truth in it even though I’ve only heard other people say it with a bit of sarcasm.
Your job is to make you happy. Your job is not to make someone else happy. Nor is it someone else’s job to make you happy. That was my mistake in my now defunct marriage. My former husband was unhappy and I thought it was my job to make him happy, even when bending over backwards to make him happy, made me very unhappy. I put his happiness above my own. That was my fault. For that, I take full responsibility. Sadly I failed at making him happy. I spent years bemoaning the fact that I wasn’t enough for him, that I failed him, but now I understand.
Because he’s still not happy so it’s not me. It’s him.
I enjoy making myself and others happy. I have always enjoyed doing those little something extras that make someone’s day special. It brings me great joy! But when it wasn’t being appreciated or even noticed, it was hard on me. It seemed with my former husband that he despised me the more I tried to make him happy, but I was too blind to see that at the time. I guess we all learn many lessons in hindsight.
So make yourself happy. Don’t go overboard to make yourself happy over others’ unhappiness. But remember that you count too because I think at times we tend to do for others more than we do for ourselves. And that’s no way to live because it festers unhappiness when we put ourselves last all the time. Does this make any sense?
You are responsible for your own happiness. Your partner is responsible for theirs. And together you are responsible to be kind, appreciative and thoughtfully loving to each other. Sometimes we give more than we take and vice versa. And that’s ok as long as there’s reciprocation and it balances out eventually.