I cancelled lunch with a friend today because I can’t even muster the energy to shower. I’m dragging today both physically and mentally due to a lot of turmoil in my life and the remnants of others’ problems. It’s like I need to just be for awhile and sort out what I need to do and then do it.
I have been trying to help my kids through the aftermath of the tumultuous weekend with their dad and his family. So much of their problems and beliefs have been dashed and yet they still hope. Their trust feels shattered and they’re having relationship problems as well since they’re so angry and hurt by the holiday weekend issues. The one good thing is that we are bonded together the three of us (and the two of them as siblings) so they feel as if they can lean on each other and on me during these times as they try to sort out their feelings.
But it’s hard. It’s hard to watch them repeat the feelings that I held too long ago. Holding out hope for understanding, connection and kindness. Masterful narcissists innately know this and even when they’ve punished you, they leave a small crumb of kindness (or whatever) to keep you bonded to them. To keep your hopes up that they’ve heard what you’ve said when you told them how you feel and that they’ve chosen to change…but they inevitably don’t.
And my homesick kid is having major anxiety attacks which isn’t good. Lucky for me, the University has been very helpful. But he revealed today that he can’t stand his roommate and is having trouble with him which isn’t helping the situation. In addition to it being the end of the semester and he’s not eating and not sleeping. It’s hard when you can’t fix things for your kid, but I’m grateful that he’s reaching out to me because that means that he wants help.
I could use a little support today. Would you mind sending some to me? Thank you.