My Energy Is Dragging Today

I cancelled lunch with a friend today because I can’t even muster the energy to shower.  I’m dragging today both physically and mentally due to a lot of turmoil in my life and the remnants of others’ problems.  It’s like I need to just be for awhile and sort out what I need to do and then do it.

I have been trying to help my kids through the aftermath of the tumultuous weekend with their dad and his family.  So much of their problems and beliefs have been dashed and yet they still hope.  Their trust feels shattered and they’re having relationship problems as well since they’re so angry and hurt by the holiday weekend issues.  The one good thing is that we are bonded together the three of us (and the two of them as siblings) so they feel as if they can lean on each other and on me during these times as they try to sort out their feelings.

But it’s hard.  It’s hard to watch them repeat the feelings that I held too long ago.  Holding out hope for understanding, connection and kindness.  Masterful narcissists innately know this and even when they’ve punished you, they leave a small crumb of kindness (or whatever) to keep you bonded to them.  To keep your hopes up that they’ve heard what you’ve said when you told them how you feel and that they’ve chosen to change…but they inevitably don’t.

And my homesick kid is having major anxiety attacks which isn’t good.  Lucky for me, the University has been very helpful.  But he revealed today that he can’t stand his roommate and is having trouble with him which isn’t helping the situation.  In addition to it being the end of the semester and he’s not eating and not sleeping.  It’s hard when you can’t fix things for your kid, but I’m grateful that he’s reaching out to me because that means that he wants help.

I could use a little support today.  Would you mind sending some to me?  Thank you.

 

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46 Responses to My Energy Is Dragging Today

  1. From one survivor of narcissism to another, I send you many, many hugs of support! I give you my virtual shoulder to cry on as you ache for your children. I am glad they have each other and you. I know how hard this is…to have this unrequited hope, that their dad will change, that the light bulb will come on. Just continue to do what you are doing and be there for them. Take your high road because you know that is what is best. Let me know if you would like my email address. HUGS and love coming your way! Hang in there, sweetie!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I wish I could give back to you all the love and support you selflessly bestowed upon me. The light you shine reflects right back at you, my sweet friend. All my love xx

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  3. A R says:

    I am so sorry. Dragging is exactly how I feel…..Does your husband favor one child over the other one? Or does he treat them equally?

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    • janieleeds says:

      He favors one over the other blatantly as does his mom (their grandma). What I have taught my kids is that in my eyes, they are equals and that their sibling bond is more powerful than anything so they need to stay bonded together with or against the narcissists in their lives. The older one has used the word narcissist to speak about grandma but not about his dad but I feel it will be in time that he will realize and so I wait quietly, supporting them as their eyes open and shut to reality.

      Liked by 2 people

      • A R says:

        My husband does the same. He favors my youngest daughter clearly over my oldest daughter. My oldest daughter sees the difference. It hurts…. She has a lot of resentment towards her father.
        My youngest doesn’t see it. She scares me. I don’t want her to resent me when I do decide to leave him.

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      • janieleeds says:

        What you need to remember is that they are your children and as much as you are hurting, they are too. So the need is to bond with them and bond them together if you can. Are you thinking of leaving them with him when/if you go? Because they will need a good explanation from you so that they don’t resent you. This is not an easy road, but you can do this with integrity, caring and self-love. As well as with love for them! xo

        Liked by 1 person

      • A R says:

        All three of us are extremely close. I would never leave my children with him. I just don’t want their hearts to ache. It’s hard. My oldest daughter is going off to college next year. So my youngest is not going to have her sister there for her…. It makes me want to cry.

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      • janieleeds says:

        I’m glad you are close as that’s most important. Stay bonded with them. We cannot protect them from heartache but we can help them to heal. Your younger daughter will still have you and her sister when she comes home. I had similar story when my ex left – older kid to college, younger one with me, but we managed and he saw his brother often. I understand your grief, but honestly, they will roll with the changes and stay even more connected. That’s how it was with me and I worried too. But it was worry for nothing…sending hugs. xo

        Liked by 1 person

      • A R says:

        Thank you for your reassurance…. The healing part is what they will need. Worry for nothing… I tend to do that a lot.

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      • janieleeds says:

        We all worry and sometimes it’s so needless. But when we concentrate on the bad stuff, it grows in our brains and makes something like a trench so our thoughts can’t be changed because they’re dug in deeply. Not sure if I’m making sense but I’ll write a post about it. In the meantime, just keep doing your best. xo

        Liked by 1 person

  4. LA says:

    Sending you love and hugs!❤️❤️❤️

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  5. Create Space says:

    I see a really strong woman who just needs a little more self-care because even the toughest of people have to look after themselves if they are to continue to support others, even counsellors, for example have to have on-going support! When was the last time you really had ‘fun’ and What was the last thing you did just for you? Janie, you are stronger than you’ll ever know! Warm Irish Hugs Xx

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you my dear Irish friend Marie! You are right. My self-care is lagging and I need to put myself in the priority line as well. Thanks for your infinite wisdom and support and caring…xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      • Create Space says:

        Janie, we are all guilty of neglecting our self-care and it is such an important part of our resilience! Trust that things will work out for the best.
        Thinking of you. Xx

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      • janieleeds says:

        Thank you Marie…how are things going with you and your son??? xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      • Create Space says:

        Janie for the first time since he was about 6 he is truly happy, bully free and able to see his capability. Thank you for asking. I ask the same growth in confidence and self-belief for your son everyday. Xx

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      • janieleeds says:

        That’s the BEST news Marie! I’m so happy and proud of him! You must be too! Thank you for sharing xoxo Thank you for your sweet thoughts of us too.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Create Space says:

        It really is Janie, better than any present or lotto win! And thank you for your concern and lovely wishes! As you know I enjoy Adlerian Psychology and I would have been very proud of him until I learned that being proud of someone implies that I am above and better than him and am bestowing something upon him, whereas now I just trust that he is rightly proud of himself! Hope I explain in a way that makes sense. Xx

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      • janieleeds says:

        I will have to learn about Adlerian Psychology! That intrigues me. I’m sorry for my ignorance but I appreciate that you explained it to me because you know I only meant the best for him/you. I agree! May he always be proud of himself!! Yes, you explained it so well and it makes perfect sense so thank you for sharing! xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      • Create Space says:

        Oh Janie, I know for sure your genuine concern and kind heart from all our chats to date. I am so glad you found it interesting. You are certainly not ignorant, so please don’t apologise. I was the same and had not known this myself until two or three years ago. Adlerian Psy sees us all as equals, striving to connect, to be capable, to count and to have courage. Marie xx

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      • janieleeds says:

        Oh my goodness thank you! I love that way of thinking! I’ll be reading up on it! Equality, connection, capability, counting and courage?! Sounds like the perfect way to think!! xx Thanks Marie for opening a new pathway for me to learn!

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      • Create Space says:

        Check out The Crucial ‘C’ it’s a good starting place. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Xx

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  6. Paula Light says:

    Hugs! I’ve been there and had to stay strong for my girls. It was difficult. I was so alone as far as not having family and friends to support me. We only had each other and got through it as you will too. ❤️🌈

    Like

  7. TJ Fox says:

    Hugs to you! You kids will get through this, maybe a little bumped and bruised, but still whole. The will because they have you to help them. You’re doing just fine, just keep hanging in there.

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  8. Sending you thoughts and hugs. 🙂

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  9. Sending you love and strength, take each day at a time and try to live in the moment. All will get better I promise 🥰😘🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sending big hugs and hope things have moved on positivity

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  11. Hello. I have nominated you for the Liebster award. Good luck. Hope you are doing good. Take care. God bless.

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