Anxiety In Kids

Neither of my kids ever showed signs of having anxiety, but since the new school year began in September, they’ve been complaining to me that they’re having bouts of anxiety attacks.  I’m a pretty pragmatic Mom, but I’m also compassionate.  However, part of me thinks that maybe they are having anxiety due to the aftermath of the divorce and the unfolding of our new chapter (including their seeing narcissism in their dad and his family) and yet, part of me thinks that they are not doing their work and therefore get an anxiety attack because they’re not prepared at school.

Either way, it’s a mystery to me as I’ve never been diagnosed with anxiety, even though I’ve experienced it because it’s a human response to stress.  I’m not all zen-like all the time either, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around their insistence that they want to see a doctor for their anxiety.  And it’s both of my kids who are away at college which seems odd to me.  I know this has been a hard year for them emotionally.  Surprisingly, it’s been more difficult than when we first split up, when we had to sell our home and when we moved to a rental.  You’d think it would get easier as time passed – what’s that saying?  Time heals all wounds?  So what’s this about when the wounds seem to be opening up suddenly again even deeper than before and showing themselves with panic attacks and depression-like symptoms?

I’m not being a brat.  Honestly.  I know I may sound harsh and cold but believe me, I’m not.  I’m sympathetically listening to them venting daily.  I’m gently advising and nudging them to maybe be prepared more than not so that their anxiety doesn’t escalate.  I’m trying to be respectful and understanding to how they’re feeling all the while standing firm but kind with the reminders to do their work.  And yes, when they get home for holiday break, they will both be going to see the doctor to ease their minds and mine.

Single parenting is hard.  I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you haven’t already experienced or don’t already know.  Divorce is hard on us all in varying degrees all at different times.  Divorce strips us down to the bare bones in order to build us up again, piece by piece.  I wish my kids didn’t have this aftermath in their lives.

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33 Responses to Anxiety In Kids

  1. Anxiety is horrendous Janie and debilitating. My youngest daughter suffered from it at school and had to have medication to help her. Keep your children close until they feel better. 😇

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    • janieleeds says:

      That’s what I’ve been doing Elaine. I’m here 24/7 with them and believe me, they’re in touch all the time. I drop everything at a moment’s notice to help them, to listen, to advise and to love them. Thank you. ♥

      Liked by 1 person

  2. LA says:

    Sending love!

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  3. lifeatablur says:

    There will be tough patches, and days you will wonder how you will ever make it. I was in a similar situation 3 years ago. Just all I can tell you is Keep going! Go with your gut instinct, People don’t always know the right answers, you just have to do what is best for you and your children. Take one step at a time and keep your head up! I know it may sound ridiculous at the moment but you will get through it and become stronger for it! Cherish the small moments 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you so much for your sage advice. I’m sorry you have gone through this, but your kind comments inspire me to keep going and I appreciate you.

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      • lifeatablur says:

        Anytime you want or need some uplifting words of encouragement, you message me! I wish I had someone when I was there!

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      • janieleeds says:

        I appreciate you soo much!! Thank you!! I will reach out again and again when needed! ♥

        Liked by 1 person

      • lifeatablur says:

        You are always welcome! I started my blog to help those with vision impairment, although it has turned into so much more. I have found so many others that have gone through things just like me, including low vision, abusive relationships, and going through hard times. It has been so inspirational to me. I started writing poetry to get some of my deep feelings out. Some do not understand the depth of what they mean and others do. I love reading others stories and making new friendships. Most people on here have been very kind and open as I am more than happy to do the same!

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      • janieleeds says:

        I love that I have found such friendships through blogging and happy to meet and to connect with you too! I’m sorry about the low vision…I will have to read more on your blog. I’m glad we’ve met! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • lifeatablur says:

        Same to you! If you have any questions please feel free to contact me

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Janie
    I know my rwo have struggled at times. I have found on the whole, they responded better in my situation to a bit of tough love. My heart often breaks doing it. Like you Intend to blame everything on what we’ve been through. My complete and utter disdain for the narc stems mainly from the callous and cruel way he has treated our children. He interacts with them now, as and when it suits him. I had a dad who was always there for me and I feel really sad that they will never know that I tryn and point out previous times they have experienced similar feelings and survived the experience.

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    • janieleeds says:

      Thank you! I’m sorry you understand but I’m also appreciative. For me, it’s hard to watch the kids spin emotionally as I did as the adult spouse to their dad. I know the feeling that you want to help the narcissist when you don’t understand what narcissism means exactly. They remember a dad who was a dad and can’t grasp that this person only vaguely exists now. I am staying strong and balancing tough love with understanding. Thank you!! ♥

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    • I am pretty tough with mine. I say it as I see it. I have also apologised and said it is not the experience I wanted for them. I have always offered them choices as I know that is what he tried to take from them. I have tried to teach them to have courage and to fight for their rights. I have always tried to give them a voice. My daughter sent him a brilliant text message, she was 13 at the time but she gave it to him straight. It made him back off trying to force them to live with him. He just couldn’t argue with it. You have made me think. Even though they both give me grief at times, they are their own people.

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  5. He still manipulates them at times but they are learning.

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  6. Thank you so much. That means a great deal, especially today.
    Have a great day> I sometimes think that the fight we have to do anything somehow perhaps helps us to be better mothers than we might otherwise have been. As I write I have Christmas on hold. I refuse to be the only one making an effort. I might soon be switching to my plan B. Heavy metal, alcohol and headphones.

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  7. Plan B worked well. Everybody got their act together after that. I once watched a brilliant video by Knowing The Narcissist, explaining how toxic people love Christmas and the opportunity it gives them to wreak havoc. I found the best tactic by far was not to fight the nonsense, just decide to enjoy Christmas your own way. I did that for a while and people got the message I was not playing their game and things went well for the rest of the day. Actually we all enjoyed the ACDC!
    Hope your Christmas is going well. If not I can recommend turning on the heavy metal and drowning the nonsense out.

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  8. Meg Bennett says:

    I’m glad I found your post! I was a college campus minister for 4 years. It’s extremely common for college students these days to wrestle with anxiety and depression. I don’t doubt that your current life circumstances are feeding into it, but I want to assure you that school work has a LOT to do with it. I’m not sure how much it helps you to know that, but I also wanted to assure you that you are in a tough season that WILL pass. I’m not sure what your beliefs are, but God has seen our family through some tough seasons, too. Prayer is a real game-changer. It’s evident that you care a lot about your kids. Don’t give up, Mama!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. laurenmeech says:

    Janie,
    just continue to be there for them when they need you and even though you may not understand fully what they’re going through at least try. you’re doing a great day, all the love. L x

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  10. I think everyone can benefit from seeing a therapist even if there are not acute issues. If they are open to it, and even asking for it, I say help make it happen for them. There is so much stigma around this stuff that where this is openness to engage, take advantage of it! And parenting is the hardest job in the world. Hang in there!

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