Part of divorce is having to decorate alone, especially when you’re an empty nester. Not like the kids or ex-husband helped a lot to decorate at Christmastime, but it was nice to do it as a family. I had been putting off getting a Christmas tree because I kept hoping the kids would have time to come home for a few hours, but they’ve been really busy with school. So, I decided to go out on my own and get a tree.
Now you’d think that this is not such a big deal, but it felt depressing. Alone, wandering the rows of trees, I couldn’t help but remember the good times when as a family, we went to the tree farm. I wandered aimlessly not finding a tree to bring home and worrying about how I would get it home because I’m not very strong and it takes two people to put a tree in the stand.
I was pretty teary yesterday, but I chose to go during the week so that I wouldn’t run into a ton of families which would have made me feel even more alone. And yes, I was feeling pretty lonely.
Finally I met a man who worked there named Pedro. I asked him to help me to find a tree since he was familiar with the trees on the lot. He smiled at my teary face with a holiday spirit of kindness and motioned for me to follow him. I took a deep breath and walked to the back of the lot where he rustled around in a large stacked pile of trees with great gusto. Suddenly, he pulled one of them out and banged it on the ground in front of me to show me that the needles were still in place.
This, he said motioning to the tree ceremoniously, this is your tree.
As I looked at the tree, it was still folded up, but there were no bare spots and the top looked perfect for my angel.
Ok I said to him. This is my tree. Honestly, I didn’t think I had a choice as he’d done so much work to find it.
Now we will put it on your car to take home?
No, I can’t do that. Can we deliver it to my home and have it set up?
He cocked his head and looked at me as the tears began to flow again. Sometimes that pang of being divorced and alone just punches you in the gut when you’re least expecting it. And it’s not like I want to be with my ex anymore. But that nostalgia of happier times kept replaying in my head.
Yes. We will do that. Tomorrow we deliver it and set it up for you?
I nodded, grateful that I didn’t have to explain.
Yes. Ok. Come with me. I will take care of your tree. He smiled this big grin and I smiled back as he led me inside to the register. He handed over the ticket to the cashier, explained what I needed and they scheduled the delivery. As he turned to leave, I called to him.
Thank you Pedro. Gracias. Feliz Navidad to you.
You are welcome Miss. Feliz Navidad. Smiling he added, Don’t worry. It’s all good.
As I walked to my car, all I could think of was his message, Don’t worry, it’s all good. I got in my car and the tears began to really flow as I listened to the Christmas music on the radio. One more step in this next chapter. Empty nester getting a tree alone, but I accomplished it, with the help of a kind stranger.
P.S. The tree was delivered this morning and set up for me! And as it’s unfolding in the warmth of my home, guess what? It’s the prettiest tree I’ve ever seen! Pedro surely knew what he was doing. Thanks Pedro. It’s all good.
♥
I feel for you. Christmas and tradition can be so hard but now it’s time to make new memories
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I agree and that’s what I’m trying to navigate…new traditions with kindness for all, especially me. Hope all is well with you too!
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Being kind to yourself is really important. I’ve been doing resilience training at work today and that’s one thing that stood out. Be kind to yourself and put yourself first 😊
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I agree with that and we as women seem to forget it. Thanks for the reminder!! 🙂
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Ahh yes, the kindness of strangers. I have so many stories to tell. Whatever their motivation, pity for me and my tears or simple human compassion that I missed feeling for so many years, it’s been happening almost every day for me now. Not just the holiday spirit but a connection with others that I really wasn’t allowed to participate in for 28 years of a negative/toxic environment. I am full of gratitude. Since I can’t stop being funny/not funny, I was going to write a post about asking for the “cheated on and abandoned spouse” discount. I too decorated the house and tree by myself but it was with happy thoughts cos little angel will be here soon. Merry Christmas and a HAPPY 2019, my friend!
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Merry Christmas and Happy 2019 to you too! I am glad you are finding angelic strangers too. I think we’re surrounded by them once we are able to look beyond the limits of the toxicity we were living with for so long. That’s why we feel so touched by the smallest kindness. Love to you! xo
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SO SO true! They were there all the time. And yes, small kindnesses seem so huge now. GRATEFUL FOR YOU! xx
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Grateful for you too Princess Rosebud!! xoxo
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Things can only get better! And they will 😉
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Yes Elaine! They are…slowly but surely…step by step. 🙂
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This brings tears of my own. I have not decorated 😦
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Start slowly. Take out a few special pieces. That’s what I did…
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I’m trying to hold back tears Janie and wish I could give you an encouraging hug. It must be so difficult to sit with such an array of emotions and face tasks on your own after years of family habits. You have obviously come a long way from when you just took out a few special pieces! Be proud of how resilient you are and how you inspire others in the same situation! Xx
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Thank you Marie. I think it’s an unfolding process to go through little by little as we allow ourselves to embrace the changes ahead. xx
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Sounds like you have it sussed! Xx
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Well, let me be honest..sometimes I maybe do and sometimes I don’t. LOL 🙂 xx
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And that’s ok too! Xx
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A lovely tale, and how sweet of Pedro. You’ll be OK- sounds like you’re building that resilience one day and one act at a time xx
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One day at a time…yes G! I knew you’d understand! xx
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I decorated in a low-key way as this year as I am by myself. Last year was easier because the children were with me, but they are young adults and have their own lives. It was harder this year without their support, my tree is lovely, but missing all the old decorations because my then husband threw them all out as a job lot. I don’t mind the ones that are common-all-garden, but the ones made by little hands with a special wonkiness are very missed by me. There is a certain obnoxious sterility about everything being new and factory-made.
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Oh Jenny, I’m so sorry you don’t have all those wonky ones that the kids made. I only have a treasured few myself since my ex took most of the kids’ ornaments too even though he doesn’t ever put up a tree. I understand. I’m sending you a huge hug. xx
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Hugs to you! It gets easier. I promise.
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Thank you TJ! Hugs returned and appreciated!
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